Drowning

Fifty Six;

"As lovely as that'd be," I chuckle. "I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Have you ever been to Norwich?" Ellie asks. Ellie was from Norwich.

"I haven't," I say.

"It's lovely." she says.

"I'm sure it is."

"Isn't it crazy to think that once we're out of here, we'll probably never see any of these people again?" Ellie says.

"I guess so," I shrug. "Sad, really."

I hadn't told Ellie about Zahara. I had the impression that she knew, though. Our relationship wasn't private but I couldn't tell for certain if she knew. I wasn't hiding Zahara from her, I just wasn't ready to talk about her yet.

"Will you go straight back to boxing?" Ellie asks me.

"Sure," I shrug. "I guess, anyway. Will you go back to yoga?" I ask. Ellie had been a yoga teacher for the elderly before coming here.

"No," she says. "I don't know."

"How come?"

"Feels stale." she sighs. "I might try uni again."

"You should," I nod. "Studying what?"

"Law, I think."

"Well, that'd definitely keep you busy." I chuckle.

"That's the plan," she smiles.

Just like that, our free time was over. The hour went by in a flash everyday. And now I had to endure another group therapy session.

-

Day 63, Glasgow Rehabilitation Centre

Today was a good day. I'm sure you'll be glad to know there are some good days amongst the bad. Or maybe you won't. Either way, today was good.

I begin to write, allowing my thoughts to scribble down freely.

I hope you're doing good today. I wonder what you've been up to. I think I'll always wonder what you've been up to.
Ellie and I played a game of scrabble today. I won. I always win at the board games here, you'd hate me for it. I don't get too cocky, though.
Have you met anyone yet?
I was granted a weekend leave. I wasn't going to tell you because I wasn't going to take it. I still have Sunday left. I'm thinking maybe I could come back tomorrow for a few hours. I don't think you'd want to see me.
If you have met someone else, just know that I don't blame you.
In group therapy today, we did the same exercise we always do, again. We seem to do the same thing every time. Confrontation games. The annoying thing is, I think they're helping.
How are Luke and Lauren? Are they still together? I'm assuming that they are. I hope that they are. I think I'll lose all hope in love if they're not.
I think I lost all hope in love after what I did to you.
All of this therapy yet I still can't forgive myself. I can't confront myself about the pain I've caused you.
How's Maya? She must be getting big now. Is Salma doing okay?
I don't know why I ask you questions you'll never read or never have the chance to reply to. I guess this in itself is a form of confrontation and dealing with the past.

Anyway, I'll let you know if I come home for the day tomorrow in my next letter.

Yours,
Harry x

Once I had finished the letter, I folded it up, wrote 'DAY 63' on the front folded side, and added it to the pile of letters sitting on my bedside table.

"Dinner time, Harry." Rachel, one of the supervisors here, says, peering through the crack in my door.

"Alright," I say, standing from the bed and following her to the dining hall.