Morale Compass (ON HOLD)

Full Circle

As we stare at the ceiling Jessie slots herself next to me. "You Can't die!" She mumbles through tears.

"I'm not trying to."

"No I mean you can't just go off and disappear or die again. I can't go through the grief again. Please don't make me have to go through that again." Her voice cracks and waivers. 

"I wish I could promise you that. And I'm sorry that I can't. But with all the changes we have made I really don't resemble "Georgia" anymore. I think I might have made enough changes that I can live out my life as Clarke." I state honestly bringing a hand up to stroke her hair.

"Just Please for the love of all things if you ever do the same thing again then I want you to kill me. Because I can't go through life without you."

"Don't say that. It might be a little different but you could. you're strong."

"I might be able to but I don't want to. Even when we weren't together I thought about you. After the news of "your" passing got around I almost quit. I almost turned down the invitation to your remembrance game. I can't live life without you and soccer. Not one or the other but both. "

"I understand."

"I know you are saying that to comfort me. But I don't think you understand the hell I went through."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Don't ever let me go. I've left you so many times and I've lost you once I'm not making that mistake again."

"Done."

"So what is Clarke like?"

"Clarke is quiet and calm. She doesn't run away when things get thought. She values isolation. She likes bike rides. I don't know, nothing really changed besides my tattoos, my wardrobe, and the languages I speak. But the one thing that hasn't changed was the inability to get you off my mind."

" Can we dance?"

"Uhh Yeah. But you need to pick the song."

"That's fine." She mumbles pulling her phone from the nightstand. She opens Spotify and selects some song I've never heard of.  I grab her hand and execute a simple two-step. We go through multiple songs just dancing around the room like idiots. We were so in tune with each other we didn't notice the gathering sobering crowd at the entrance of Jessie's bedroom. 

We shoot apart due to a clearing of the throat. "Do you all have a key to my place?" Jessie says as grasps my arm. Her dull nails leaving small crescent-shaped indents in their wake.

"You gave me one when you got here," Sam says with sass. "But I didn't know you two knew each other so well?" She says with a quirked eyebrow.

"We met in-in California." I try to make it sound as broken as possible. A little proud that this time I wasn't lying.

"How old were you two?"

"Doesn't matter," Jessie says a little too quickly.

"So are you guys fuck buddies, friends with benefits, Dating? What the fuck are you two doing?"

"We've umm known each other a while."

"Would you like to elaborate?"

"Not really."

"Are you using Clarke to get over Georgia?" Sam shouts out.

I feel Jessie tense beside me. "Don't say her name."

"What she's fucking dead," Sam says obviously hurt and projecting.

"St-Stop it." She fully tucks herself into my side.  I rack my fingers up and down her back as I wait for the muscles to relax.

"Whatever." Sam pushes past the warm bodies crowding the hall. Everyone else just glances back and forth.

"I-I need a beer." She mumbles from my ribs.

"Where are they?" I whisper back.

"In the fridge." I just nod and walk to the kitchen grabbing two beers and walking back to baby Canada.

"Thanks."

I just nod and crack open one of the cans. "So what are you two doing?" Millie questions.

"We are enjoying hanging out. And now since it's almost two in the morning I'm going to bed." Jessie grumbles and pulled me with her. I awkwardly wave bye to them. I shut the door and we retake our spots on the bed shutting off the music.

"Thank you for that. Even if sam was being a dick."

"It's fine. But can you tell me what this new version of Jessie is?"

"Umm well, now I dance. And I still can't sing to save my life. I still like running but I don't like running with you.  I like Coffee, I hate Dunkin donuts.  I'm not a fan of losing."

"So nothing changed except for the fact that you dance."

"Exactly. So neither of us really changed."

"Well, it's really only been like 5 \ or 6 weeks since I last saw you."

"It's funny to think back on it. On the last day I had with you we picked you up from the police station, installed new carpet, and then flew to Germany. Now here we are in London in my condo and in my bed."

"Normally they refer to it as coming full circle."

"And who are they?" She ribs.

"Random people. Can I kiss you?"

She doesn't respond only meeting my lips in a chaste kiss. No push or pull. No trying to deepen or slip a tongue in. No wandering hands. Just two lips meeting in the middle.

"You. . ."

"I know I'm great."

"Still just as much of an ass."

"At least I have a nice one."

"Wow, you would think after dying once you would come back with a new outlook on life."

"Wow, you are never going to let that go."

"I cried for two weeks straight. I don't cry for more than an hour at a time. So yes I am going to continue to throw that in your face."

"I think we've had enough emotions for one day."

"You still don't like emotions."

"You've met my dad before."

"Fine. Well, good night."

"Goodnight Georgia."

"It's Clarke."

"Goodnight Clarke."

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I forgot this book existed.

So here is this chapter.