addeleworth [Scarian Royalty AU]

Chapter 1

TW! Mentions of self harm, suicide, suicidal thoughts.

Please be carful.

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{Day before day 1}

Prince Scar was woken up by a knock. "Yeah?" "Uh... I wanted to remind you your schedule prince Scar." "I'll be ready in 15 minutes. And please call me Scar. I've told you this already Mumbo." "Yes. I'm sorry. I'll be back in 15 minutes."

Prince sat up and reached for his cane. He could use a wheelchair but today he wanted to use his legs a bit more.

Young elf slowly walked to his bathroom. He showered, changed his clothes, brushed his teeth. While brushing his hair he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror. Scar hated mirrors. He hated how perfectly it reflected all of his scars. Everyone thought his scars looked cool but he absolutely despised every single one of them. But he hated the people who left them even more.

Prince slowly touched the back. He missed them. He missed the feeling of them, the feeling of pride and power.

Scar didn't realise how much time passed until he was brought back from his daydreams by a knock on the door. "Scar? Are you in there?" "Yes! I'll be out in a second!" Elf finished brushing his hair and came out. "Sorry for the wait."

Prince stepped out of his bedroom into a hallway where Mumbo was waiting for him. "Soo... what's the plan for today?" "Don't you want to take your wheelchair?" "Don't worry my dear friend! I'll be fine! I just wanted to give my legs a bit of work today." Mumbo said nothing.

"Anyways... Todays plans are : breakfast with kings, free time, meeting with the kings and ministers, lunch, tutoring, short break, tutoring, free time and finally dinner." Mumbo listed all things from his notebook. "Breakfast sounds amazing right now. I'm starving like a goblin." "That's good because we're almost late."

They hurried as fast as they could. Or as fast as Scar's legs let him. Either way they made it just in time. 

Young prince's fathers already sat  at the table seemingly discussing something important. Just as Scar and Mumbo entered the room discussion died down. "Good morning kiddo's ! Come sit!" Scar sat down in his seat, Mumbo opposite of him. "Good morning sunshine. Good morning Mumbo. It's been a long time since all of us had a breakfast together. How did both of you sleep?" "Thank you, I slept well sir." Even after working with us for 6 years Mumbo still was a nervous wreck. "I also slept well pa. How about you?" The atmosphere was a bit awkward but still sweet. "I slept great." "Of course you did! You know, your pa snores so loudly, I thought there was a storm!" "I do not snore." "Yes you do!" "Even if I do, at least I'm not a blanket hog." "Ah! How dare you call me out like that!?" Even tho Scar's dads bickered like little children, everyone knew it was only for good fun. That's one of the reasons why he adored and loved his dads so much. They managed to be great kings while still being joyful and optimistic. Not all the rulers could do that.

After the breakfast Scar had some free time. With out even thinking he walked towards his garden. When he was younger he used to play and learn in this garden but after the attack he didn't find playing so appealing. Probably that was the time when he grew up and forgot he was just a kid. First time he entered the garden again was only a year later, the memories kept him out. He never liked to think about the attack but his brain never let him forget. Even after 8 years he still gets nightmares. Darkness, pain, the feeling of slowly loosing hope and sanity.

Elf opened his notebook. He always had it with him. Writing his thoughts down helped him think, it kept him sane. He remembered one old poem he never finished.

Losing Myself (by Kacey)

My eyes close.
I'm holding onto
my memories
and hatred.
My slumber
all alone in my head...
so silent.

I can't explain the way
my tears run blood along my veins.
If I let go of my pain,
I'll cease to be, give into the plague...

War is coming,
I can hear it in my heart.
Blood will flow
along the grounds of the innocent.
I can't deceive
the darkness anymore...
I'm letting go, I'm losing control of myself...

You beat me down,
so low and now
I'm crying my soul.
I'm losing control.
You led me to
a place where I
can't feel my face...

Death is just an anesthetic
for what's to come.
A body left behind with no face,
feeling numb.
All alone, I cry here,
fading into nothing.
All alone I lie here
dying...

Losing myself...

He wrote it 3 maybe 4 weeks after being captured. He had lost all hope back then. After the rescue his dads tried to get him to speak with a therapist but he remained silent. His nightmares got worse, he started believing the words that his capturers have said to him. Oh how good the kitchen knife looked in the dark. It's metal blade shining in the moonlight, the soft and warm wood handle. It all started small. A cut, maybe two. Never more but after a week only one cut wasn't enough. He wanted more. It became addicting. 

Scar didn't know when but the thoughts of death started appearing. At first he ignored them but they became like a virus. Infecting his brain. Eating him alive. One day he just wanted it to stop. To stop the voices. To just listen to them. To end it all. Maybe it was a wrong time. Maybe he should have chosen a different way. Maybe he should have come out of his room more often. Then maybe it would have been over. 

But either way he was found by his dad. He was almost ready to end it all. He had everything prepared already, rope, goodbye letters... 

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Hello again :] I hope you liked this! Please stay safe <3

-Ollie :]