Hurts so good

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE|| AMARIS

"You think I'm broken?" I ask softly.

Cassius's eyes widen and he pulls me back to him. I feel like a rag doll being pulled back and forth. a lifeless doll with no emotions. I feel nothing. "No- that's not what I meant. I just- your parents were everything to you and when they died you lost a piece of yourself. We just didn't want you to hurt anymore."

"You didn't think this would hurt me? The only people I have left in this world lying to me?" I ask, inquisitively. Not anger. No resentment. Just pure curiosity. Cassius pulls back and looks at me with a frown on his face. "I-"

"The files came from headquarters, and you needed personnel for this amount of information so I'm assuming my aunt also knows. Tell me Cassius, which outcome were you hoping for here? Did you really think my father wouldn't come for me? Or were you hoping to kill him without me ever finding out he was alive? How exactly were you planning on "protecting" me?"

"Princess." Aiden says from behind me, and I turn to face him. Maybe he'll answer my questions since Milo and Cassius are tongue tied.

He looks like he's about to give me another apology or explanation, but I'm not interested so I stop him "Just answer the question."

He closes his eyes and nods before opening his eyes again. "We were going to kill him and keep it from you. In your mind he was a loving father who died. You visit his grave and love him in your memories. We wanted him to stay that way for you."

"Thank you." I say and walk to my room. I grab the bag of cash I keep in my drawer for emergencies and put on a pair of sweats before walking back out. Milo's eyes land on me and he tries to plead with me, but I'm done listening. They asked me to listen to their explanations and I did. It wasn't good enough.

Cassius grabs my bag and a small smirk forms on my face. So predictable. I grab the small knife from the back of my sweats and slice his hand. He hisses and drops my bag. "I don't want to hurt you big guy but I will if I have to."

"I love you." He says and it catches me off-guard. My smirk fades and he continues. "I can't let you leave but you're very skilled and I can't incapacitate you without hurting you so I'm telling you that even though I might hurt you, I love you and I'm sorry."

I'm angry and I'm about to do something I regret. Before I can suppress my anger, I whisper, "I'm in love with you Cassius." I'm sorry big guy but I need you to drop your guard.

He furrows his eyebrows and looks me in the eyes as if he's trying decipher whether or not I'm telling the truth. "I'm in love with you." I say again and walk closer to him. He looks like he's stuck in a trance.

"Don't lie to me, bug." He says softly, barely audible.

"No lies. I'm in love with you." I say again when I reach him. I run my fingers through his hair and kiss him. All doubt leaves him and he kisses me like he wants to devour the very air from my lungs.

"Now." The little voice in my head whispers and I push Cassius to the ground. Before he can move, I place the blade at his throat. He closes his eyes and sighs before speaking "I knew it wasn't real, but I didn't care. That's how much I wanted it to be true." He says, opening his eyes and a single tear falls.

"Amaris! That's enough." Aiden says and I look up at him and milo.

"One more step and I slit his throat." I say through clench teeth.

"Just stay back." Cassius tells them. "Amaris look at me." I look at him and he gives me a small smile. "It's okay. It's okay, bug." He says, bringing his hand up to caress my cheek and I flinch at his touch. He stops for a second before continuing. "I understand, my love. It's okay. I forgive you."

I don't want to hurt him. I- I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.

Tears form in my eyes and fall to his cheek. "You hurt me." I say softly.

"I know, bug. I know and I'm so sorry." He says painfully.

"No no Amaris. He's not sorry. He'll do it again. it's what they do. The people closest to you will always leave you. I'm the only one who loves you, the only one who will take care of you." The voice in my head says and I shake the tears from my eyes. She's right. She's always right. They'll hurt me again.

"No! You're not sorry! You hurt me." I say digging the knife in deeper. "I. Hate. You."

Cassius's eyes dull and he winces at my words but he continues to stroke my cheek. "That's okay baby because I love you and I'll love you enough for the both of us. You have every right to go insane. Just come back when you're done. Come back to me, okay?" 

He doesn't hate me. Why doesn't he hate me? "You'll let me leave if I promise to come back?" I ask softly.

"Yes."

I hesitate before nodding. "Okay."