Pt 2 to I Hope
Inspired by Snap by Rosa Linn
Breakdowns, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts
It's 4 AM
I can't turn my head off
Wishing these memories would fade, they never do
I couldn't sleep. Maybe I did love JJ? I couldn't get him out of my head. The past year had been the greatest of my life, all the memories and and the little moments me and JJ had. Now I wish I never remember them.
Turns out people lie
They say, "Just snap your fingers"
As if it was really that easy for me to get over you
Pope said he heard this thing where if you snap your fingers, you'll forget them or get over it. But I couldn't. It wasn't that easy.
I layed in my bed, before deciding to walk on the beach. Still in my pjs, I got down to the cold sand by my house, and started strolling.
I just need time
I looked out to the icy ocean, and the moon that showed the way I was walking. My phone in my back pocket, it was maybe 4 a.m.
My entire head was just JJ. The moments, memories, dates, names he called me, everything. All of it. I never got over him, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself and John B.
Snappin' one, two
Where are you?
You're still in my heart
Snappin' three, four
Don't need you here anymore
I snapped, uncontrollably, and felt tears roll from my eyes. Why? Why did he have to leave?! Why did he cheat?! I thought I was what he wanted, what he looked for. I still loved him, I really did. No matter how hard I tried, I could never not love him. He smokes his problems away, and fucked girls left and right, but then he started dating me, and most of that went away. We still got high together, but still. I was there for him, and he was there for me.
I snapped again. I tried to convince myself, "You don't need him! He's a piece of garbage that would never commit to a relationship. You can deal without him!"
Get out of my heart
'Cause I might snap
Love's too complicated. I can't deal with it. I continued walking, but eventually just sat down. How could he have such an impact on me! That stupid son of a bitch just grabbed my heart and threw it on the ground.
I sobbed into my knees, unable to control them anymore. Why?! That was the only thought in my mind.
I'm writin' a song
Said, "This is the last one"
How many last songs are left? I'm losing count
JJ's POV
*next morning*
"How many times are you gonna date a girl you think is the one?" JB asked me from the chateau table. Kie just cheated on me with Kelce, what comes around goes around, I guess.
"I don't know man, I guess I was just dating her to get my mind off y/n." I told him, placing my head in my hands. "You fucked up dude. You really fucked up. How many? How many girls?" John B cleaned up the beers from last night.
I thought for a second.
"I...I don't know." John B scoffed. "There's your problem."
