THE FEELING comes in waves. Like a cold claw it wraps around her heart, squeezing enough to trigger cold blooded fear but never enough to let her die. It crawls in goosebumps over her skin, making it pebble and raise the small hairs. It is the feeling one has shortly before the roller-coaster drops, the feeling in one's tummy when the elevator drops too fast or when the driver in the car speeds up suddenly.
ANXIETY.
It comes in the ugliest forms. Like a monster looming in the dark, craning it's head to keep one close eye on you, choosing the worst moment to crawl out and pounce. Wrap you up in a frenzy of panic, clammy hands, shallow breaths and a racing heartbeat. The worst thing; She wouldn't care.
DEPRESSION.
Her fingers are turning blue, her nose red due to the cold in the room but she doesn't notice. How could she, so distracted by the gaping hole in her chest. It feels weird, as if she is falling, falling, falling. A numbness all around her that makes her feel less, feel nothing. It makes her careless, kind of defeats the crippling anxiety. What if she does choke when having a panic attack? It doesn't matter. It's what the depression tells her. She stopped crying a long time ago, it was like she has been crying on days end, she didn't even understand where the tears where coming from but they never stopped flowing.
Now she can't remember the last time she cried. She doesn't care.
The pills they're giving her make her sleepy. In the beginning she welcomed the tired feeling, anything to escape the cold claw or the nothing of numbness that engulfed her. Anything that helped her forget what happened that night.
But now she's tired of being tired. It feels like her mind doesn't belong to her anymore. The pills make her lips dry and chapped and her mouth feels like cotton. Sometimes she can't feel her hands and has to look down to see if they're still attached to her body. She stops taking the pills and pretends in front of her parents, hoping, yearning that something will happen.
It is one of those nights when she sits in front of her square window and watches the lazy night, where she wishes that something will happen. That something will get rid of this awful feeling in one way or another.
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𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊 ☽ 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧
Fanfiction"I've read your book." She looks up, surprised by his sudden appearance. She has to squint her eyes to see him, the sun building a stark halo around his head. She deciphers if she should answer him or not, maybe he would go away if she wouldn't? S...
