Office Hours |h.s|

eighty

Maude

Laying on the couch, Cassidy and I watch Legally Blonde for the millionth time. She plays with my hair as I rest my head in her lap. My mind is anywhere but the movie, but mainly I'm full of anxiety over Juliet.

She has to be lying right? About Harry saying I seduced him? There's no way he's even on speaking terms with her, or was that all a lie? Was he just telling me they weren't around each other anymore, but he was telling her all about our relationship? Did she know the entire time?

What I'm worried about the most is that she's going to tell him about the abortion. She didn't tell him about the pregnancy test, at least it sounded like she didn't. Was she the one who told him I was buying condoms? But how would anyone know to tell him anything if we were keeping it a secret?

Either way, I don't want him to hear about the abortion from someone else. I kind of almost don't want to even tell him about it. He didn't know I was pregnant, he made it clear he doesn't want to be with me or have a future with me, so why should I have to tell him that I got an abortion? He really hurt me, and I don't think I would want to be vulnerable like that around him ever again.

I've told him things I never told anyone else before, not even Cassidy. I was honest about my family and how they treat me. I told him about my past relationships and how traumatizing they were. He knew my deepest desires and all my hopes and dreams. And now the one person I trusted the most in my life, the one person I thought would help my soul heal, he's gone now. And I'm not even sure if he was ever the man I thought he was.

At the same time, I do want to tell him. I want his support through this emotional time in my life. But I want the Harry that I fell in love with, the one that wanted to marry me. I wanted to tell him I was pregnant, I wanted that reassurance from him and to make this decision together as two adults. It makes me sad when I remember that he didn't know.

"You didn't laugh at that scene, you always laugh at it. Thinking about it again?" Cass looks down at me and I turn onto my back, looking up at her now too.

I press my lips together, taking a second to gather my thoughts. We haven't really talked about Harry, but I know she's probably got a lot of questions for me. "Not really about that, but I just miss him."

She pouts softly when she hears the sadness in my voice. I do my best to keep it from coming out, but it's almost impossible to stop. "I'm sorry, Maudey..."

We're both quiet, not even listening to the movie playing anymore. She continues to pet my hair, knowing it comforts me, but it's just not who I want to be comforting me right now. It's normal for me to miss him, we got really serious really fast and he just became my everything. Maybe that was toxic, a lot of things in our relationship probably were, but it's just the truth.

"I know I gave you a lot of shit for it in the past, but if you need to talk about it you know I'll always be there for you. Plus, I can't say I'm not curious about what you've been up to these past months." The last sentence lightens the mood, even making me break into the smallest of smiles.

Reaching over, I grab the remote, muting the movie but letting it run just as a background distraction. It takes me a second, but I finally sit up, pulling my knees up against my chest. Cass hands me a throw blanket from the basket beside her, and I wrap it around my shoulders. Once I'm settled into the corner of the couch, I lean my head against the cushion and bite my lip.

"I didn't think he would be so sweet. We both just went into it as this weird, lusty sex thing, but I don't know something just shifted."

Cassidy just listens, holding her blanket tight around herself.