My life, isn't your life.

7. What is love, and why are we in it?

"You...but...huh?" I asked, completely surprised. Had he just...confessed to me?

"Luca! Really? Wait, you like me?" I said, excited.
"Oh my god, Luca, of course I like you back! I think I've had a crush on you since, like, freshman year!"

"Really? I was under the impression that you'd friend-zoned me as soon as I came out to you." Luca said, a bit moody in the moment. "Well...you were sort of homophobic then, and I was still figuring out my sexuality, so I didn't think anything of it.

And then, when you started questioning yourself, I didn't want to ruin our friendship just because I thought you were cute when I first met you.
And, well, you were insecure about being trans and coming out, so I didn't want to pressure you. Y'know?" My explanation was a bit sloppy, and was all over the place, but I just wanted to help him understand.

"So...you like me, and I like you..." Luca said, his words trailing off to god knows where.
I really wanted to ask him what he was thinking, I wanted to know everything about him, but I needed to be here for him right now.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, shifting closer to him as we laid on the red comforter. "Anything." He said, looking into my eyes.
He was actually looking at me!
It caught me by surprise, maybe a little too much.

"Why do you hurt yourself so much? And, why do your parents hurt you like...however they've been doing it?" I asked carefully.
I didn't want him to get upset or angry that I'd even ask.

I just wanted to help, and in order to do that, I needed to know.
"It's...hard to explain." Luca said, trying to get away from the question.

"Try." I pressed, eager to hear what he had to say.
He sighed and broke eye contact. I grabbed for his hand, stroking circles into his thumb with the tip of my index finger. It helped comfort him.

"I do it because...sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough, and I'll never be good enough. For anything, or anyone.
Sometimes, it's because I feel like I deserve it.
And sometimes...I don't really know.
There are lots of reasons why, I just don't really think about it before."

I nodded, thinking as he told me about it.
If it was going to be a problem for him, it was going to be a problem for me, too.

"And...they do it because they're strict about a lot of things, and I don't always meet their standards.
Like, once I get home after school, they expect me to do my homework and all the chores before they get home from work.
But, I live about ten minutes from the school by bike, which only leaves me about forty-five minutes to do it all.

Homework isn't always easy, and they expect me to do all the chores.
All of them!
Like, dishes, laundry, cleaning the floors, dusting, cleaning and sanitizing the bathrooms, taking care of the trash, everything!"

He went from sad to angry really quickly, but I wasn't going to stop him.
I knew he needed to vent about it. This seems like was really hard to keep in.

"So, like the human being I am, I don't get everything done by the time they get home. And, like the great parents they are, they punish me for it.

Sometimes it means no dinner, sometimes they ground me, sometimes worse.
Usually, they make me stay up until everything is done, which only gives me about four hours of sleep before I have to get up and get ready for school.

But on occasion, when they're really fed up with me, they'll do all of the above and...they'll punish me...physically, for it.
Those nights, I don't sleep at all.

It can get pretty intense, but never to the point where I have to go to the hospital." He finished, and there was a long pause that followed.
He was really going through a whole lot more than I'd initially thought.

"Luca...I'm so sorry." Was all I could say at this moment.

"It's ok. It's not your fault."

"No, but I could have at least been there for you."

Silence.

"Y'know what? It's not my fault, you're right, but it's not your fault either, so let's try to figure this out together, ok?" I said, looking deep into his eyes, and squeezing his hand a bit.
He nodded.

"We've got this. I think, for starters, if you and I are going to be together, we need to start trusting each other, more than before.
And, in order for that to happen, I need you to promise that any time it gets bad, you'll come to me.
Can you promise me that?" I suggested, really wanting nothing more than to help him through this.

If I could take his place in all of this, I would. He means the world to me.

"Ok. I promise."

"Promise what?"

"Jonathan-"

"Nope, promise what?"

He sighed, and said, "I promise that every time I feel bad emotionally, or mentally, that I will tell you. Ok? You happy now?"
I smirked, "Not quite."

I propped myself on my elbow so I could look down at him.
I smiled. You mean the world to me.
"So, since we're in this together, every time you hurt yourself, you hurt me.
And I know you, you're too selfless and caring to hurt anyone. So, don't. Ok?" I stated simply.

He smiled back.
"Ok. Now are you happy?" He asked, impatient.
"Nope. Why are you so worried about me being happy right now?"

"Because if you're not happy, I'm not happy. We're in this together, remember?" Luca said, blushing.
I grinned.

The fact that he did actually care so deeply about my feelings warmed my insides.
"Ahh. I see." I said, floating closer and closer to his face, and my eyes staying glued to his lips.
I kissed him, wanting nothing more than to be happy with him.

He kissed back as his heart beat in his chest, but I loved it.
I loved making his heart beat fast, although I'd like it the same beating at all.
We deepened the kiss, our hearts in sync, our minds on each other.

I ran the back of my hand down his arm, and the other one was cupping his chin. I pulled away, saying, "Now I'm happy."