My life, isn't your life.

6. How do we show true appreciation without seeming desperate?

"Hey." I said, greeting Luca when I walked back into my room.
"How did it go?" Luca asked, trying to avoid my eyes.

He knew I liked to look at them, I've told him lots of times how pretty they are. He didn't think it was anything more than playful flirting as friends, but I meant every word, and I was flirting.

His forest green irises with brown around the edges and blue splattered like paint in the middle were the most unique and beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They did change shades of color a lot, but I only found that more fascinating.

"They said they'll let you stay tonight, but they're going to want to talk to you tomorrow. I didn't tell them anything about your parents though."
"You didn't?" Luca asked, his whole face lit up. I shook my head and smiled, sitting next to him on the bed.

"I didn't want to tell it, I wasn't sure if it would upset you if I had told them without asking you first." I explained, lying sideways on the mattress.
"How...thoughtful...of you." Luca made an off handed remark. It was like he was talking out of another body.

There was a long pause, most of which I stayed quiet, but then I said probably the dumbest thing I could've ever said.
I'd promised myself I'd never do it, because Luca was already in enough shit as is, but my stupid brain just didn't want to listen.
Or...my heart?

"You know I'm Bi, right?" I asked, breaking every single one of my promises.
"What?" Luca asked, surprised. He turned to me, his attention fully invested to my comment.

His face was expressionless, and yet so full of emotion. I'd done it.
"I-I mean...I like men. And women, but...I just thought you'd like to know." I tried and failed to explain why I'd made the sudden confession. How could I, I couldn't even figure out why I myself had said it.
So stupid, Jonathan! You said you wouldn't!

"Ahhh...that explains a lot." Luca said. What? "Hmm? About what?" I asked, curiosity tinted the edges of my words.
What was he thinking about?
Did he...like me? Or suspect that I liked him?

"I-I-what I meant was-you look like your Bi. Y'know, you sometimes dress..." Luca lied, trying to cover for his comment which he apparently hadn't meant to say out loud.
I smiled, and looked into his pretty eyes again. I could get lost in them, write a whole book about them.

"How about this. I'll ask you something, and you have to answer truthfully. Ok? Then you ask me, and so on, until we fall asleep. So we can get to know each other better."

"What's the catch?"

"Nothing. It's just...times are hard right now, and I guess we kind of need to hold on to what we have right now, and treasure it. Y'know?"
I think I'm in love with you, Luca.
I want to confess my feelings, and stay here, with you, getting to know you better forever.

"Alright. I'll try. I get to ask first, though." Luca agreed, rather reluctantly, but cheerfully as well. I nodded, accepting his terms.

You can have the world, Luca. I'd give it to you if you asked. I'd give you anything.
Focus, Jonathan!
This is no time to be daydreaming about living in a mansion with him, he's asking you something!

"When did you find out you were Bi?" He asked. I thought about it for a minute, trying to put my feelings into words.
"I guess...it was when I met you." I said, shrugging. His face lit up, so much I could almost feel the heat myself.
I smiled at him as he tried to hide how flustered he was.

"Alright, my turn. You told me it made sense earlier, when I told you i'm Bi. What did you mean by that?" I asked, only to be met yet again with a very red, and very nervous Luca.
I tried to hold back a laugh as he struggled to find the right words.

"Um...I guess I meant the kiss. And, well, you've kind of been flirting with me so..." Luca said shyly.
I grinned, my cheeks flushing a little.

"Luca! Did you actually just admit to how you feel about me? That's something, coming from the guy who had a whole emo phase in sophomore year." I joked, fully content with his answer.

I wish I could bottle this moment up, and keep it safe and hidden, away from the cruel world we live in today.

He laughed, a genuine, happy laugh.
He needed it, after tonight, it felt like he hadn't laughed like this in years.
"We don't talk about that!" He said in between giggles.
I laughed with him, he's definitely making me soft. Or maybe I just have a soft spot for him.

I was so lost in this moment, I forgot completely about the game we'd barely even started. I was just happy to be laying here next to my best friend, who I was starting to fall in love with.

"Hey, Jonathan?" He said, grabbing my attention. I hummed, letting him know I was listening.
I stared into his evergreen forest again.

"Dude, you have beautiful eyes." I said, offhandedly, not really meaning to but really wanting to.
"I know, you've told me before. Multiple times." He stated, rolling his eyes jokingly.

"Well, it's true. It's like looking into a forest, with the specks of the blue sky peeking through the trees. The trunks of the trees reaching for the sky, which is your pupil, of course. Sorry, I probably sound dumb."

I don't know why I said that, something just compelled me to in the moment.
"No, it was beautiful. Like, poetic and shit. I wish I'd written it down. Anyway, before you interrupt me again, I need to tell you something."

I nodded, letting him have my full attention. "I think I really like you."