Quest and Tillie

Chapter 6: Mmm, Mmm Good

I once read an anonymous quote that grief is like an earthquake. After the initial quake, you roll up your sleeves and start trying to put your world back together...but then the aftershocks come and undo all your work. The thing with aftershocks is, you never know when they're going to hit.

Seeing Mary-Lou Dawn was my aftershock today. The horrible things she said to me and the very sight of her made my stomach churn, and churn in such a way that I knew I was going to throw up. Refusing to let her see that, to let her know that seeing her in such close proximity to Quest again bothered me so much that I was about to lose my lunch, I got up and hurried out the back door of the diner.

Where I proceeded to get sick until there was nothing left inside me, nothing left to lose.

And wasn't that the story of my life lately? I had nothing left to lose. Nothing.

I'd canceled our home loan that first day back to work after I'd seen Quest. My boss nodded in understanding and told me quietly, in his gentle way, that he'd take care of it. He patted my shoulder and went to his office. Ed was probably the best boss in the world, and he'd been preparing me to take over his family's bank when he retired in two years. Ed and his wife had never had children, so there were no more Andovers to take the reins at Andover Savings and Loan. It was probably why he was putting off retiring until he was seventy.

When Quest had come in to cancel his business loan, Ed had practically met him at the doors and informed him that the home loan had been canceled and he had the paperwork ready to cancel the business loan as well. Ed had told him he would no longer be doing business with him and he'd need to find another bank to work with.

He wouldn't even allow Quest into his office. He made him sign the forms right there, and then Ed asked him to close all of his business accounts and find another place to do his banking. I was peeking out of my office and I saw Quest hang his head and nod. Then Merilee closed his accounts and handed him a cashier's check, all under Ed's watchful eye.

He nodded to Ed after he got the check from Merilee. "I understand why you're doing this and I don't blame you. I'm sorry, Ed. Take care."

My heart ached at the slump in his shoulders as he walked out the doors, and then I got mad at myself for feeling any sympathy toward the man who cheated on me and blew up our lives. He'd been banned from my life, banned from the diner and now banned from the bank. All for the town bicycle.

Taking a few deep breaths, I cut myself some slack for still having feelings for the man. He'd been hard wired into my life since I was sixteen years old. Learning not to love someone wasn't going to happen overnight, not after all these years, not as deep as our love had been. Had been. Past tense seemed to surround me lately, the present was a painful mess and I couldn't even think of the future.

My life consisted of going to work and coming home to sit in the corner of the couch and stare at whatever was on the TV. Right now, my mind couldn't process anything other than the fact that my life as I had known it was over. The bigger questions of what my life was going to be like going forward and what I would be like without Quest I couldn't even think about. 

I don't think I'd even smiled since I'd packed up my clothes and left our house.

The best I could muster when Chelle and Stasia had tracked me down after the scene in the diner was a halfhearted smile.

They'd stormed into my house, high on adrenaline, and my mom took one look at them and went to get the first-aid kit. They plopped themselves on the coffee table across from where I sat on the couch.

Chelle started. "She was running for her car since she knew we were behind her. But four-inch heels slowed her down. Just as she got to her car, she fumbled her keys and Stasia was on her. She smacked her across the mouth and told her to keep her, ummm..." -- she looked up at my mom returning with the first aid kit and some hand wipes -- "...dirty mouth shut about you."