big time rush - kansas confusions to california clarity

chapter 3

After three more days in hospital and having James as a near on constant companion by my bedside the nurse finally said I would be allowed to go home. All my scans had come back fine, no memories had returned though.

As I packed away the things I had in my hospital bedside table in to a bag that James had brought in for me, kendall arrived and James sat me down to have a chat.

"Isabelle can I ask you a question?" He said looking a bit nervous.

"yeah course" I replied, searching his eyes for clues.

"well ... Where do you think you live?" James asked.

I hadn't even thought of this! I just imagined going home to my home in Kansas, but obviously we werent in Kansas.

"erm... I'm not sure" I replied now feeling a bit silly and emotional

"Isabelle its okay, don't get upset again.... Look the thing is...." Kendall said "well basically you kind of live with James" he finished.

"oh!"was all I replied.

James was very nice but he was still a practical stranger to me.

"bells this is why I'm here okay, I know this must seem so strange for you but listen, James and I have talked and instead of just forcing you to go back to a strange house and a strange man we wanted to give you the option of coming to stay with me, obviously you know me" kendall said.

I looked at kendall then at James.

James' face was like that of a small child during school who didn't want to be picked last.

"I live with you?" I said to James. He nodded.

"why didn't you say?" I asked

"I just didn't want to complicate things for your head izzi. It must be strange enough thinking I'm your boyfriend, let alone that we live together" he explained.

I furrowed my eyebrows together and looked at kendall.

I then looked back to James, "I can't live with you!" I said.

"we moved in together ten months ago bells" James explained.

James didn't seem to understand why I was upset.

I thought for a minute, trying to think of a way to explain my reasons with some tact.

"have we slept together?" I then bravely asked

"yes bells, course we have, we have been together two years... I love you Isabelle" James replied, I then started crying, I pulled my knees up to my chest and just sobbed.

"Isabelle cmon... Please don't do this," I heard James say.

"why has she gone like this?" Kendall asked

"I don't know, embarrassed I guess, I'm a stranger to her and now she knows I've seen her naked" James said giving my shoulder a rub.

I lifted my head up from my knees "its not that... Well it is that, but its... I'm still a virgin... In my head I mean, I can't remember ever having sex with anyone, let alone you, and living with you!" I said horrified now realising what important memories I was missing and never likely to get back.

"oh bells... Baby I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that. Shit Isabelle" James said looking emotional.

I sobbed hard but wanted to escape, I looked at kendall.

"I want to stay with you...is it okay? please, I just need a friendly face" I said throwing myself on to kendall and burying myself in to his shoulder as I cried for so many things.