Never in a Million Years |N.R|

|31| Not according to plan.

It was early when Nat woke me up, and as usual I was reluctant to leave the warmth and comfort of our bed. It had been a day since the Secretary had visited, since I'd gotten drunk and told Nat one of my biggest secrets. Neither of us had mentioned any more about it. I think Nat thought I'd forgotten since I'd been intoxicated at the time, but I'd done nothing of the sort. It was only adding to my nerves about what was to come.

"Come on sleepyhead. We're leaving soon." Nat urged me from beside the bed, before she dragged the covers off of my body.

"I thought we were flying tomorrow morning." I groaned into my pillow, where I had my face buried in some kind of act of defiance.

"We are, but we've got somewhere to be first."

I snapped my head up, "where? You didn't say anything about somewhere else."

"You'll know soon enough. I just need to see someone."

"Okay" I dragged the word out, suspicion in my tone, before giving in since I knew it would be pointless trying to drag the information out of her. "When are we leaving?"

"Out flights in three hours, so I want to leave in the next half an hour. Come on."

"Ugh, fine." My body felt heavy as I rose up to a sit, letting my feet dangle off the edge of the bed. I didn't drink very often, especially not anymore, so it always took my body a while to recover. And I had drunk half a bottle of vodka, so it was understandable that I was paying the price.

"I've packed some clothes for you. There's a couple of options in there for the signing, so you can see what you feel like wearing. All you've got to do is have a shower and get ready."

I'm sure she hadn't meant to say it, but it made my heart race and my chest tight nonetheless. "Is it okay if I have a bath?"

"Oh yes, of course it is. Sorry love, I didn't mean to say that." Nat came rushing back over to me, crouching down in between my legs and holding onto my thighs for support.

"It's okay" I offered, along with a weak smile. Amanda, the therapist, had been helping me get over my fear of showers when I'd stopped seeing her. In truth I think that's why I stopped. It seemed like an impossible feat and yet she kept pushing and pushing for me to try. Granted, I'd told her that Nat knew about everything we'd covered in our sessions and that she was helping me too. But I felt like I'd been too much of a burden already, so I just grew accustomed to having baths instead of showers. Problem solved, I guess.

"Do you want me to run the bath for you?" She questioned hesitantly, as though she had something to make up for and I hated it. It was an accident and it's only a word, so it shouldn't get to me so much.

"Yes please. I don't think I've fully woken up yet."

"Of course" she whispered, before planting a soft kiss on my forehead and then heading off into the bathroom. I heard the water start running a few seconds later.

I spent the next couple of minutes staring out of the window at the morning sky, waiting for the sun to rise and fill it with light as I felt so consumed by darkness. I'd needed Nat a lot in the last day or so; the most I'd needed her in a long time. I think a part of me was convinced that things between us were sure to change, no matter what Nat said, and so I wanted to make the most of the normalcy we shared together before it was ripped from beneath us.

"Come on" she urged, appearing in front of me once again with an outstretched hand, one that I gratefully took. We walked into the bathroom where the air was warm but a little stuffy, only adding to the growing tightness in my chest. It was getting worse every passing minute, but I just kept doing my best to swallow it down. I needed to be strong.