Through the dark

If you would have told me on my twenty first birthday that I would be this happy I would have told you that you needed mental help. I mean looking back I really feel like I should have seen someone to work through what I was going through. To have my trust used against me and to be violated in such a horrific way I never thought I would get over that. But here I am bursting with joy completely in love with a guy who could have anyone and still wants me.  Things are not always easy I mean relationships take work under normal circumstances but when your favorite person is also millions of peoples favorite person it's something else entirely.  We stick by each other always talk things out and in the end still feel the same way we did from the start or he would say we feel so much more.

I knew that day when I walked out of the courthouse to see that there was a Black Escalade sitting front and center that he was worth everything.  He broke down the walls I had built up around myself by just being his incredibly wonderful self.  He was patient and thoughtful in letting me take my time becoming comfortable in my own skin again.  He showed me it was possible to trust myself, to trust people and to be loved.  As if that wasn't enough even though we knew Ryan received the maximum penalty; he didn't leave my side for months after unless he absolutely had to for work. My safety along with wanting to ensure I knew I was loved no matter what were very important to him. 

This meant that we attended the album release event together as well as other promotion events for the release of the new album.  Once those obligations were fulfilled it was time for the guys to have a break.  For my birthday my mom, Tim and Melanie flew out to a very sweet surprise party that Kate and Louis put together.  I was a bit anxious leading up to my birthday so when I came home from a run and saw my mom and siblings along with Brad, Greg and the guys I was actually relieved because all the most important people were with me.  Mom, Tim and Melanie stayed for a couple of weeks to celebrate Christmas early then Louis and I headed to spend his birthday as well as Christmas with his family.  We spent time in London where Louis was asked to sign on at his home Football team which was a dream come true for him.  Then we decided to go skiing in Switzerland where it was absolutely phenomenal in its beauty. I can't ski to save my life but I had fun being a snow bunny not to mention spending nights in his arms.

Then just a few weeks ago we got to witness my best friends get married in a beautiful ceremony where I was best person.  I was honored when Brad asked me considering we have only known each other a couple of years.  He said that I just felt like family from the start and he couldn't think of a better person to stand for him.  Louis graciously joined me and at the reception he whispered in my ear how beautiful the vows were but that he could do better.  Then he continuously complimented Brads choice of dress for me not to mention how quickly he hoped we could get back to our room.  I promise you that man has a way with words that make my heart race and fill me with an incredible amount of joy.

I am snapped into present day when I hear the crowd getting louder signaling 5 Seconds of Summer must be finishing their set.  Sadly this means I'm going to have to leave this comfy spot I have on the guy I loves lap.  Louis kisses me quickly as I stand to head out; Kate and I will watch from the side of the stage as we have in the past.  Niall kisses her cheek as he often does not wanting the awes to erupt that typically do when he shows Kate affection.  This is the first night of the new tour which has everyone on edge of excitement mixed with nerves.  The guys are going to head to the stage to do their pre show ritual so we have to leave them in the dressing room.  They flew us out here to see the show along with newly weds Brad and Greg who are out in front row.  We head home tomorrow however Kate and I will meet them in Dublin in a couple weeks to spend time with them on tour. Though I know it is more so that Niall can show Kate around his home town. She is a bit anxious about this however I've told her she need not worry as he adores her so will his family.  We are just about to head to the side stage when Alberto tells me that Louis prefers we sit up front.

So we head over to our seats to watch the guys do what they love. We are having a great time singing along and dancing to the guys just like all of their other amazing fans.  I feel the same way I did the first time I saw him on stage I am in awe of Louis.  He is so engaging with the fans, the band and his friends on stage though I'll admit I can't take him seriously sometimes.  Between water fights where they've not only sprayed each other but us as well to the interactions they have with people holding various signs up it's hard to keep a straight face.  One of the best things about them is they don't take themselves too seriously so everyone relates to them.

They've song several songs from the new album but when I hear the familiar beat to the uptempo song I'm taken back.  He must know because his eyes find me as they sing the song he wrote that was inspired by how he felt about what he saw me going through. There was a time he wanted it to be slower but as I told him making it upbeat is definitely how I would see him trying to get me to feel better.  The guys are as goofy as ever accept him when he sings his verse he is calm and steady no joking. I cry while they sing it just thinking back to all that has happened mixed with the knowledge that he brought me here tonight so I could hear him sing it live for the first time.  I don't know what I ever did to deserve someone as giving and wonderful as him but I will be forever grateful.  I only hope that one day I'll be able to properly thank him for bringing me through the dark.