Through the dark

Truth

I showered, changed into a brown crochet off the shoulder crop top, denim capris and cute white keds then packed a bag for a Louis place.  I tell myself that I'm packing the baggy T-shirt and cotton sweat shorts for after the pool but a small part of me may be planning ahead.  I debated between the one piece suit I wear for when I go to the Y to swim laps and one of my bikinis ultimately deciding on a bikini.  I trust Louis that's why I plan to tell him everything tonight.  Of course I worry he will see me differently but I push that aside.  Louis cares for me I won't let those fears keep me from letting him make his choice.

"I'm headed to Louis place for dinner. I'm not sure when I'll be home so don't wait up." I tell my sister then I head out.
Louis place is up in Hollywood Hills so it will take me an hour to get there.  I let Louis know I'm not going to be there until seven which he has no problem with because I just want you here. Xoxo.  Reading that text only confirms I'm making the right choice to tell him.  Now it's just a matter of when to do it; that I feel will be the biggest problem.  It's not like I just want to walk in and start telling him my disgusting secret.  I come to the conclusion that the best thing for me to do is to not pin point a time rather just let it come out when I feel right.

When I pull up to the mansion Louis is renting my jaw drops; it's not huge but bigger than a normal house a striking white against the mountain adorned with floor to ceiling walls in several parts of the three stories a breathtaking view of the city and mountains.  When they see my car they open the garage so I can park next to the Escalade they use to keep Louis safe.  The sun is low in the sky soon it will be painted various shades of pink and orange as it is just before the sun sets.  Louis has dinner waiting for me on the roof top deck.  When I ask after his bodyguards he explains they're in the detached in law suite and they'd already eaten.  This is when I know he wants to be alone with me so I decide then that I'll tell him after we get into the pool.  If he is disgusted with me I'll leave and though broken-hearted I would have one final evening to remember us.

Dinner is delicious he prepared a cucumber salad with grilled steak and veggies then for dessert are macrons he got from a local bakery. We finish just as the sun sets which is absolutely the most stunning thing I've ever seen. Naturally to my embarrassment Louis disagrees because he believes that to be me. We stand there Louis behind me with his arms around my shoulders for a moment once the sun is finally set and the stars are brightening up the sky. Then he suggest we take a dip in the infinity pool and brings me to the bedroom next to it to change while he goes to the master.

The pool view is equally as lovely as the deck; we lean up against the edge looking out over the city. For a bit we swim, splash and kiss in the pool until I unexpectedly yawn. I guess the full day in the sun has worn on me more than I thought.  He swims up to me pulls me into his arms then asks if I'm ready to leave. This is the moment because I don't want to leave I want to stay. I want to be with Louis. In order to do that I need to tell him the truth. I take deep breath to steady my breathing.

"Louis I want to talk to you about something. Maybe not here in the pool; do you think we can go inside and change?"

"Um sure" His voice sounds unsure about the direction of this but he leads me back inside.

So I don't loose my nerve I don't let him when he goes in to kiss me I just quickly go in the room. He seems hurt; I'm guessing with my shift in mood he may be expecting that I'm about to end things again. Because of this I rush to change making sure that soon after I head to his room. I knock on the door given I don't hear him I open it a crack softly calling out his name. I start to think he isn't in here when I hear him call my name in response. His voice sounds so strange so I open the door wider I find him head in hands sitting at the edge of his bed. I go to him so quickly he is startled by my arms around him but only for a second then he's embracing me back.