I almost lost count the times he was there trying to protect what remained of myself. He was there when I badly needed someone to comfort my lost soul. A child who does not know warmth but longs for it.
He was able to fill that void. He was able to make my heart jump from happiness. He was not afraid to love someone who do not own any riches but herself, like me. He treated me like a gem to treasure.
Sinabi ko sa sarili ko, "Ah, so this is how it feels to be loved and appreciated." The feelinb is fresh and new to me. Ang sarap lang sa pakiramdam.
The only thing that's keeping me from this love is the question, "Will it never fade? Will it never waver?"
Everyone leaves. That is how I perceive the world. Even I, for so many times, have thought of leaving this damned world. So why bother taste the love that fades eventually. Hindi ako bitter, I'm just being realistic. Lalo pa't ever changing naman talaga ang isip ng mga tao.
"I-I..."
I took off of his hands. Nakita ko kung paanong ngumunot ang kanyang noo. I can't stare at him. Nahihiya akong sabihing hindi ko pa kaya. Love is a big thing for me. And I don't want to give him false hopes.
"S-Sorry... Hanzo, I-I," I stuttered, trying to find the right words for me to say even if my mind's in a mess.
Nakita kong bumagsak ang kanyang balikat. I tried to reach for him but he took a step back and smiled at me with disappointment.
"I-I guess, I must've think ahead of what we have."
It feels like I just broke his heart. The atmosphere went silent as the wind was nowhere felt. As if the world went still for this moment.
I tried thinking of words that could compensate the damage I made, but all that came out of my mouth was air.
"I don't want you--"
Maling tumungo pa ako dahil ang tumambad sa akin ay ang mukha ni Hanzo na pilit kinukubli ang sakit sa likod ng kanyang ngiti.
"You don't have to worry about it, Ash."
His voice cracked as he spoke. I felt knives strucked my heart. And bigat sa oakiramdam na makitang nakakasakit ako ng taong tinuring akong parang pamilya.
I'm sorry Hanzo. Hindi ko sinsadya.
"Hanzooooo!!"
Naputol ang aming pag-uusap nang may tumawag sa pangalan ni Hanzo. I didn't turn aroundto see who it is, but I know it's a girl. She sounded delighted to see him na oara bang ilang taon ding hindi sila nagkita.
I wiped my tears as Hanzo left me where we stood a while ago without a single word. The cold breeze swept as I wept. I wanted to say sorry. Gusto ko siyang yakapin. Ayoko siyang umalis. I had so many words to say to him pero lahat yun ay pinigilan ko.
"I appreciate you, Hanzo." "I like you too."
Those were the words I want to say to him, and my mind was scolding me in my head since I disregarded that feeling.
I think the only thing that made me feel relieve after what happened was that I wasn't able to confess back. Kasi alam kong sakit lang ako sa ulo. Mahirap akong mahalin dahil sa mga problema ko. Mahirap akong pakisamahan dahil pabago-bago ang isip at emosyon ko.
I myself is unstable.
The word "love" doesn't suit me at all. I don't even know what that is.
It was completely dark when I went back the rest house sa loob ng farm ng mag-isa. Ilang metro din ang layo sa factory but the view didn't change at all. Sa harap ng rest house ay ang malawak na coffee farm. The rest house was uphill kaya medyo malamig but the front garden was spacious so I decided to stay outside for the same reason that I don't want to see Mang Kanor and I don't want to bump unto Hanzo. I felt at fault seeing him lose his smile and confidence kanina.
ČTEŠ
Hello Doom
Fantasy[ON-GOING] When Asha Buenavella turned 18, she could only wish for one-- to finally end the days of her life. She was fed up with being unlucky and what life had in store for her, sufferring. Will she finally able to achieve peace now that Doom, th...
