I wish that i could say that those kpop groups saved me and mean it. I wish that I could say that his smiles are enough for me to be willing to live and mean it. I wish that they, that he, especially him, could be the reason why I'm alive. But I know it's not the truth. They did saved me, from my loneliness, gave me a comfort and brought a smile on my face, but it's not enough for me to make the effort of liking life. I really do imagine my future with him, how I could meet him, how he could fell for me, how I could fell for him, but that's bot enough for me to be excited about having a future. I'm alive for the people that care about me, because I don't want them sad, depressed or anything like this. I'm not alive in order to see his new post, their new concert pics or just to be able to see the Isac. I'm here just so I wouldn't let my best friend be empty, my parents having a missing child and my sisters loosing their little "baby". Kpop is not enough for me to like life and I hate this. I hate the fact that I'm not able to like it enough to make my life worth it. I don't wanna be alive, and liking kpop does not help me with that.
I don't think someone that isn't in the same case as me could understand how heartbreaking it is to know that, if it wasn't for my best friend only, I would choose death. I would choose it over anyone, anything, any plans, any school, any money, any concert, any chances to talk with him/ them, any travel, any cries, any encounters, any love, any hugs, anything. I would. And I hope that people would understand that, I hope it wouldn't be too hard for my best friend, I hope it wouldn't be to hard for my family especially my dad, I hope we could understand that being dead is better than suffering for some and that we need it. I hope somebody would look at me and say "It's okay, you can leave, you don't have to feel guilty about finding peace, you have the right to do that, i know you need it, i see you suffering, i don't want you to leave but if it's impossible for you to live, then go, you'll be alive through me, and through all the people that loved you."
BINABASA MO ANG
feelings.
Randomje vais déposer dans ce livre des lettres que j'ai écrites pour des gens qui ne le savent pas forcément. j'ai eu cette idée car ma meilleure amie dépose certains de ces textes ici et des fois c'est trop dur de garder ses secrets pour soit donc jvou...
