Why should I be interested in everything people do? Why can't I just say yeah that's cool for you but I'm not interested? Why does that make me someone stupid? Or someone that deserves to be insulted? I'm so fucking tired to pretend to be interested in things. Especially in family things. I do not care why can't you understand. It's just not something that excites me and as I said it's cool for you but I shouldn't be forced to act interested. You are my sister. Why do you use my only source of joy as an insult? Why do i not have to right to be bored by what you say but you do totally have it whenever I talk about music? Why is it always the kpop thing? Why do people think that us being a fan means that they have the right to use it as an insult? And then again, tomorrow I know for sure that I'm going to get a remark if I decide not to interact with her. It's always the same thing. SHE has the right to be angry but I don't. SHE has the right to wake me up at 4 in the morning when I was like 13 but whenever I breathed a bit too loud I was getting yelled at. SHE has the right to be uninterested but I don't. To everybody thinking that being the youngest sibling is a privilege, fuck you. Fuck you so so so much. Because yeah, sometimes we have some advantages, yeah some times we have so gifts. But we also can't say a word while we are eating with the family because nobody cares, we also have to support all the "jokes" our siblings are doing to us. We also have to hide our pain because we see that all the other members of the family has their own problems. We do not have perfect family life. And I fucking hate the fact that everybody thinks that. It's so hard for me to see that I sometimes had to raise my fucking hand just like if I was in school to speak at the dinner table because they wouldn't let me speak. That a fucking psy told me to hit the table so the others would know that it is my time to speak and this just by meeting me once. It is tiring to always be scared of showing my emotions cause I don't want to be another problem, cause I have to be the one that brings the laugh. It's fucking hard to see that I hated my smile because I had lucky teeth and my sisters used to call me hippopotamus because of that. It's so fucking hard that the only thing they know about me rn is that I listen to kpop. It's fucking hard to see that they all have hopes on me while the only thing I want is to dig myself a grave. So no being the youngest isn't being the most privileged because there're so many fucked up things about it.
Anyway, stop believing in those stupid stereotypes, there's no good place in a family and everyone should understand that.
YOU ARE READING
feelings.
Randomje vais déposer dans ce livre des lettres que j'ai écrites pour des gens qui ne le savent pas forcément. j'ai eu cette idée car ma meilleure amie dépose certains de ces textes ici et des fois c'est trop dur de garder ses secrets pour soit donc jvou...
