You, Me and He

Insecurity Part I

A Month Later....
Joe had continued to see Dr. Moore for his psychiatric appointments and had even started to taking his antidepressant medication. Overall, the therapy and medication made a significant change in his behavior and in his and Shantelle's marriage. Joe became more patient, less impulsive and more rationale. However, there was only one drawback—the antidepressant medication that Dr. Moore prescribed was a new medication and different from what he had taken in the past and unfortunately, it was causing a problem with Joe's libido. As a result, Joe was still feeling depressed because even though it improved his mood, impulsivity and jealousy, it caused him to lose his sex drive, and it made him feel bad.

He didn't have the courage to  tell Jasmine about this problem, mainly because it was embarrassing to him as not only a man, but as a husband who deeply loved and desired his wife. One night, as he lie in bed, he looked over at Shantelle as she slept and he began to reflect.....

Joe's POV
Man...this really sucks. Since I've been taking my medication, my mind wants to make love to my wife but I can't get my body to cooperate. My mind is awake  but my body is asleep. My sweet and loving wife is so understanding though. She tried to get me in the mood, by wearing a skimpy nightie, but I lied and told her I wasn't feeling well and just wanted to sleep. I knew she was disappointed, but as always, she just gave me a kiss and wished me good night. After she went to sleep, tears came to my eyes and started to roll down my cheeks. I must admit I'm scared to death. I'm afraid that if this keeps up, that she'll get fed up and either cheat on me or worse, want a divorce, or she may do both. And I'm telling y'all right here and now, I'll be damned if I let that happen. Because I WILL kill if I'm cheated on or abandoned and I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. I mean just the mere thought of my woman with another man is making my blood boil. I suddenly take deep breaths in order to calm myself and to gather my thoughts and give myself a pep talk....

"Aight Joe you getting ahead of ya self, you know good and well baby girl wouldn't cheat on you, so knock it off!" I say to myself.

I guess baby girl must've heard me because she turned over and looked at me...

"Hmm? Did you say something baby?" She said sleepily.

"N-no baby, just thinking out loud. I'm sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep, it's nothing." I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh ok." She says turning back over.

But then after a few moments, I changed my mind and woke her up....

"Baby?" I say, gently shaking her awake.

"Hmm?" She says softly, opening her eyes and turning towards me again.

"C-can I ask you a question? And it's gonna seem kinda stupid." I say.

"Sure..what is it?" She says, now sitting up in bed.

"D-do you find me attractive?" I say, sheepishly holding my head down.

I could feel her looking at me, but I didn't have the courage to meet her big, beautiful brown eyes. At that moment, I felt her soft hand on my arm. Just then, her hand moves to my face to lift my chin so I could meet her eyes.

"Joe...baby...of course I do...your my husband. Why wouldn't I find you attractive? I married you didn't I? You took my virginity didn't you?" She says to me.

"W-well yeah." I say, embarrassed.

She then straddles my legs and wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me.

"What's that for?" I ask puzzled.

"To show you how much I love you and only you." She says looking deep into my eyes, that have now began to fill up with tears. "Why do you ask these questions?"

Despite her attempts to reassure me that I was the only man for her, I still couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth, so once again I lied.

"I'm just afraid that when I'm old, gray and fat, you won't want me anymore." I lied.

Nice going Joe, why didn't you just tell her the truth! You know damn well she'd understand." I say in my mind.

"Oh baby, don't ever think that I love you and always will. Even when your hair is gray, you're pudgy around the middle, you have no teeth and you're impotent, I'll always love you." She said, kissing me once again.

At that moment, I grabbed her tight to me, buried my face in her neck and proceeded to cry my eyes out.

TBC
I know this is a short chapter as I haven't posted in a while.
What do you all think?
Should Joe come clean?
Please comment and vote.