Postcards From Africa

21

Sweating because of her nerves, Tae kept wiping her makeup free face with her hand as she walked through the cold hospital towards Choi's room. For the last week, she had been holed up in her company house, trying to delay having to talk to Choi but she knew that she had to.

Today was that day.

When she got to his slightly open door, she could hear laughter from inside the room and she hesitated with her hand on the door handle.

"How are you feeling today?" Suzy's voice asked.

"I'm better," Choi answered.

Tae's heart raced at the sound of his voice and she contemplated turning back but she was leaving in exactly 2 days, having booked a flight.

Knocking, she slightly opened the door and stepped in.

Everyone looked up at her: Suzy, Choi with his bruised but not swollen face, Jang and Choi's father.

Suzy suddenly smiled and from her smile, the nervous Tae gathered that Choi hadn't told his family anything yet.

"Nice of you to finally come!" Suzy brightly said as she walked over to embrace Tae. Then she turned to her family, beckoning them to give the couple some privacy. She closed the door as soon as they were all out.

Tae stared at Choi nervously, wringing her hands.

He quietly stared back.

Seconds stretched into minutes of silent staring until the tension could be cut with a knife.

Tae opened her mouth to speak but no words came out, just a nervous squeak and tears. She quickly turned back to the door to leave but stopped when Choi spoke up.

"I know we weren't serious but I feel like I should have been made aware that you're getting married because then I wouldn't have entertained this nonsense," he said through gritted teeth, clearly angry.

Tae could not bring herself to look at him because she was more than ashamed of herself and her actions. "I..." What was she going to say? She had no excuses.

"Look at me and say whatever you have to say to my face."

She turned to him, wiping her sweat and tears. "Choi, I am sorry. For lying to you. For deceiving you and for not telling you the truth."

"Is that all?"

"No. It's not all. I was going to get married when I got back home. I was going to get married to a man that loved me even though I didn't love him back. I was going to have kids with him. I was going to become a housewife for him because he wanted me to."

"That's still not an excuse."

"I wanted to experience a wedding, marriage, kids, all of it, because I thought it would make my parents happy to see me get married and give them grandkids because I am an only child. I wanted to do all this for them before I die, Choi."

"You still got 40+ years on you. You could have waited for all those things."

"I know. But...I wanted to do it all before I permanently left the company. I am leaving in a month, Choi."

"You are not making any sense, Tae."

Tae walked over to him and stood before him. "Choi...in the name of honesty...I... I don't have 40+ years to get my shit together."

"Language!" he automatically said.

"I...Choi..." She sighed. "There's no better way to say this. I wanted to get married and have a baby because I wanted...no, needed...to experience these things for myself before...You know what? Choi, I'm dying."

"So you're just going to make up some bullshit cancer story so that I can be like "oh, Tae, I am sorry for everything, i love you and let us move to the middle of nowhere where you'll spend the rest of your dying days"? You know what, get out. Leave. Go back to the man you're marrying and if you can help it, may I never see you again."

"Choi-"

"Tae, get out. Go back home."

"But I just want-"

Choi grabbed his buzzer and pressed it, clearly irritated and frustrated as his heart rate spiked, making the machines go haywire.

Nurses burst into the room and one escorted Tae out.

She immediately left without saying goodbye to Choi's family.

When she got home, she grabbed her suitcase that she had packed a week back and immediately ordered a ride to the airport where she looked for the earliest flight available. She got a ticket and then sat down in the lobby, waiting.

Her phone rang and it was her father. "Where are you?"

"On my way back home."

"Are you ok?"

"No."

"I take it he rejected you."

"Yes. He never wants to see me again."

"What happened."

Tae got overwhelmed with emotion and she immediately shielded her face with her hand to cry in peace without the people around her noticing.

"Tata (father), I couldn't explain myself properly. I kept beating about the bush when I was supposed to tell him. I don't know what came over me but I failed to tell him the direct truth. I just said I'm dying and he thought I was there for his pity in order to trick him into taking me back. Now I understand why you say we shouldn't mix business with pleasure. I'm sorry."

"You didn't even beg him?"

"He kind of had the nurses kick me out. And it hurt."

"See why you should be honest from the beginning? Lesson learned, Tae, right?"

"Yes."

"Are you still at the airport?"

"How'd you-"

"I can hear the noise in the background. If you are sure that you want to go back, have a safe flight and I'll be on the first flight tomorrow."

"Ok. Thank you." Tae cut the call just as the call for her flight boarding came on.

She pulled her suitcase behind her, leaving Korea behind with each step.