I stare intently at the wall I find myself most often gazing at. There's nothing particularly interesting about the walls here in Beacon Hills Hospital. It's often though now a days I find myself looking at them, thinking. Or possibly trying not to think. Not to think about how any minute could be my last. No not could be. Will be. Four days ago when I arrived I knew that it was the end. But I also knew that I had time. Now, on this day, I know it's run out. I'm not going to make it through the night. I don't know how I know it. It's a gut feeling I suppose. My organs are shutting down. The doctors have me on so many drugs at this point I'm not fully aware of it. They always come to my bed and smile at me but it always falters when they examine me. I'm not sure why they won't just come out and tell me I'm dying. I turn my gaze to look out the glass panels. Stiles. He hasn't left the hospital waiting room since I was admitted. Eating there, sleeping there, existing there. His dad has come multiple times to try to persuade him to come home but he refuses. I heard he was frantic to the point of lunacy when he came to find me bed ridden and unconscious. Technically he's not allowed inside to visit long because he's not family but there's been a few incidents where he's snuck in. Papa Stilinski has visited me a few times too. He's kind of awkward and didn't exactly know what to do with the girl his son loves dying. He brought me a teddy bear from the gift shop though and I always take naps with it. Melissa has come in too. To give me medicine and take care of me. She's always smiled and acted like the mother I wish was here.
When I first woke up Stiles was sure to be here. His eyes were red and he had dark circles under his eyes. I could see that he had been crying and hadn't slept. It made me sick to my stomach that I was the one to have caused such anguish. He told me all about how they fought the alpha. How Peter killed Kate and they used Molotov cocktails to burn him. That Derek told Scott the only way to be cured of lycanthropy was to kill the one who bit you but Derek slashed Peter's throat and became alpha. Scott's depressed now because he knows he can't be with Allison anymore. He also told me that Lydia hasn't healed or died because of Peter's bite. Nobody's really sure what's wrong with her. He got kicked out shortly after that. I could tell from his eyes that he had so much more that he wanted to say.
Since then he's only been able to come in twice. He just talks to me about random things. The tube down my throat prevents me from speaking but I want to so bad. I want to talk to him. I don't care if I only have minutes to live if they take it out. If I have the chance to tell Stiles what I want to say I'd be okay with that. He's always holding my hand or rubbing my arm. Just showing signs of affection. I think it's mostly for his own state of mind. If he can touch me then I'm still here. If he can touch me I'm still alive. It's a reassurance for me too.
I watch him now. He's sleeping with his mouth wide open. One leg dangling up on an arm rest and the other off the chair. His back bent over a chair in a way that I'm not sure how it's not broken. There's chocolate surrounding his lips from the Reece he devoured earlier. I don't want to leave this. Him. I sigh and look to the chair beside my bed. Jeremy is also sound asleep. The originals wanted to stay as well but there was only one chair in the room and I made them go home to sleep. Not everyone needs to be here. Not yet. Scott has come in a couple times but he's busy and I know he hates being here. He can smell the death on me I know he doesn't want this to be his last memory of me and I am more than okay with that.
Picking up the remote I turn on my small TV and flip through the stations. The only good show they have is usually Big Bang Theory but I've already seen the episodes a million times. I give up and leave it on some adventure station. The light sound of voices begs me to sleep but I refuse. I'm afraid that if I fall asleep I won't wake back up again.
Jeremy stirs beside me. His eyes open and he rubs the sleep out of them. "Hey sis." He says with a smile. I try to smile back but it doesn't work so well. "How are you feeling today?" He asks cautiously. I look down not able to meet his eyes before shaking my head. Even without looking at him I can sense his internal struggle. "It's okay." He speaks up surprising me. "You can let go. You don't have to fight anymore. Not for me." A lone tear cascades down his cheek. "I know you're in pain and I know you're fighting it but you don't have to anymore. I'll be okay. Stiles will be okay. We'll all be okay." I feel tears fall down my own face even tough I didn't notice them forming. All body functions are basically numb now. "I'm sure they're all waiting for you Lily. All of our family. You won't be alone so you can let go." He gets up to kiss my forehead before leaving. His fists are clenched at is sides and I know he left so I wouldn't see him cry.
It's not so easy to just let go. I look over into Lydia's room right next to mine. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes. I promised her I would leave her. How can I break that promise?
Allison came in two days ago and she hasn't been back. I think she feels betrayed that I didn't tell her. And even more upset that she feels so angry at me. She just lost Kate and even though that woman was a bitch, Allison loved her. She was family. And now she has to lose me too.
I guess I never really thought about how I'd die before now. If I did it would be by a vampire or a hunter. Probably before I turned 20. But cancer? I never thought it would lead to my demise. Though I suppose that's what every kid with cancer thinks. How can we be so sick so young? How can such a terrible thing happen to me? I'm a good person. I've never done anything too bad. Well maybe I have. But I've only ever murdered Vampires. I wouldn't think God would punish me for that.
I look down at my hand. The Gilbert family ring still lies firmly on my frail finger. My hands are so thin. My whole body practically a skeleton. Just looking at myself makes me want to gag or cry or scream. Maybe all three.
It's strange. I have a tube down my throat and they're pushing liquids into my stomach but I really want a cheeseburger. A really big juicy cheeseburger. I look back to the waiting room and Stiles is gone. Where'd he- the door to my room opens and he tip toes in. He sticks his head out and looks back and forth through the hallway before closing it.
He walks up to me his eyes downcast, unable to meet my own. I scoot over and he lays down beside me on my small bed. Resting my head on his chest I revel in his heat and security. I listen closely to the beating of his heart knowing soon mine will stop. He puts an arm around me and rubs circles in my back.
"I'm going to miss you." He whispers into my ear. "And I love you so much." My stomach drops. I can't say it back but I want to. I look down at my hand and take off the ring. I carefully slide it on to one of his fingers before grabbing onto his hand. If I can't be here to protect him, I know the ring will. He tightens his hold on my body. "I'll never ever love anyone as much as I love you Lily. You stole my heart and you're going to be taking it with you. And I'm okay with that because I know I'll have yours here with me." His words pierce my heart. Why does he have to make this so difficult to accept. I want to tell him so badly. An idea pops into my mind and I start to pull the tube from my throat. He immediately jumps up and frantically moves around.
"What are you doing? Oh my god what do I do? Lily stop it you're going to kill yourself!" He shouts at me. He comes closer in an attempt to put it back in but it's already out. There's a beeping from one of my monitors but I ignore it. I grab his hand and pull him to my bed. Gripping his face with both of my hands I move my lips against his.
"I love you so much." I whisper against his lips. "I was so alone when I came here but you saved me. You made me feel loved and secure. Stiles you were my refuge." I tell him softly feeling the lack of oxygen burning my lungs. His eyes fill with tears and he holds me. There's no space between our bodies as I hug him closer. "I love you." I say again as I feel my heart beat start to slow. "I always will." He seems to notice that the beeping machine is my heart rate monitor and his eyes grow wide.
"No! Lily don't leave me! You can't leave me, not yet!" I smile softly. I'm sorry Stiles. "Lily no!" He's screaming and crying and doctors start to run into the room but it's too late. My heart has slowed, my lungs deflating. Someone escorts him out of the room and Jeremy runs to my window. I feel them sending electricity through my chest before everything is gone.
Done with this book! There will be another one! Tell me what you think! Vote and comment! Love you all.
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Refuge (Vampire Diaries/ Teen Wolf)
FanfictionLily Gilbert had had enough. Everyone she ever loved is dead. With the help of an original she runs away...only to be caught in a town with just as many problems as the last one.
