The Right Time (Lestappen)

Time to Talk

Luckily he had also invited his sister Victoria, his two best friends Lando and Daniel and his Team Principle Christian who were able to diffuse some of the tension. He had been shocked when Christian had accepted his invite, although he knew Christian wasn't stupid and a last minute invite to an important meal had probably sent warning signals off in his head. Still, Max was glad that he was there as it saved having to officially tell the team at a later date.

As he sat at the table he began to get second thoughts. Telling everyone at once seemed daunting and he was struggling to contain his nerves. He could feel his legs shaking uncontrollably under the table.

'Are you not hungry honey?' his mum asked as he shuffled his food around his plate.

Max just shook his head, he couldn't eat, he felt sick. He looked around at everyone's faces and wondered what their reaction was going to be. His heart was racing. He needed to do it now before he backed out.

'I have some news' Max spoke quietly, cautiously, 'I don't really know how to say this, and I don't want you to be mad.'

'What is it honey?', his mum took hold of his hand and squeezed it gently making Max tear up a little. He just hoped that he wasn't going to upset her.

All attention was now on him. Everyone waiting expectantly. He had practiced what he was going to say over and over but in this moment his mind was blank. He knew he just had to keep it simple so he steadied himself before he finally spoke.

'I'm gay' speaking those two little words made Max feel breathless, like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He had said it, he had told them. He was sure he could feel the shock reverberating around the room.

Without hesitation his mum instinctively wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. When she finally let go his sister threw her arms around him, letting him know that this didn't change a thing between them and she was happy as long as he was. Lando and Daniel had also jumped out of the seats to embrace their colleague. Max started to cry, he couldn't help it, he had never felt so overwhelmed.

As he turned his attention back to the table he noticed that Christian and his dad, Jos, had yet to say anything. He turned to face them and as Christian went to talk Jos stood up and demanded Max speak with him privately. Before Max could respond Jos had stormed through to the bedroom and Max dutifully followed him.

Max entered the room with his head down, not daring to look to see his dad's reaction. Jos was trying to stay calm but he was far from happy with the situation.

'We need to make sure this stays between us. I don't know why you felt the sudden need to tell everyone but nobody else needs to know.' Jos said firmly trying to take charge of the situation, much like he had taken charge of everything in Max's life.

Normally Max would do anything for his dad but this time it was out of his hands.

'I'm sorry dad, that's not possible. The press, they already know, if I don't tell everyone then they will' he explained.

Max's relief at finally being able to express who he was was now fast being replaced by a feeling of shame, the last thing he wanted was to upset his family or embarrass them in any way.

'Please don't tell me one of those two idiots in there is your boyfriend' Jos asked referring to Lando and Daniel.

Max noticed the obvious disgust in Jos' voice at the word boyfriend. He had thought his dad might get angry but he had been hoping he was wrong.

'They're just my friends' he explained

'Well that's something' Jos muttered.

'Dad -' Max tried to reach out to his dad, wanting some sort of comfort but Jos battered his arms away and moved further away.

'We can get an injunction, stop the press releasing anything.' Jos was already making plans.

'No dad, it's too late. I don't want to hide it' Max was tired of hiding, he may have been forced out into the open but now that he had taken those initial steps he wasn't going back.

'How could you let this happen? After everything we've worked for. This could ruin everything. You know that don't you? The sponsorships, the deals everything could disappear. They could take your seat off you' Jos sounded calm but serious.

'Please don't be mad at me dad' Max was fighting to hold back tears, he knew that would only make his father angrier and he had been taught to be strong and hold in his emotions.

'I'm just thinking of you. And your mother' Jos added the last bit to inflict some extra guilt on his son and it worked.

'What do you mean?' Max asked worriedly

'I know all she wanted was to see you grow up and get married and have a family of your own' Jos was really laying on the guilt trip.

'I can still do that' Max tried to explain, still fighting his emotions.

'Not like normal people you can't' Jos snapped.

Those words, Normal people, hit Max hard. They were designed to hurt and they hurt more than he ever felt possible.

'Dad please' Max was now crying, he couldn't hold it back any longer.

'I know it's not your fault that you are the way that you are but I'm sorry I just can't bare to look at you right now'.

Max felt his heart breaking, he had argued with his dad before, his dad had been furious with him before but Max had never seen his dad so visibly disgusted. It was as if he was physically unable to look directly at him. Jos moved to the door and as Max reached out to try and stop him Jos pushed him backwards making him stumble. Jos didn't look back and marched straight out of the apartment.

Max felt all the strength leave his body as he fell to the floor. He had worked so hard all of his life to make his dad proud. He had always done exactly as his dad told him. He remembered the joy on his dad's face when he had gotten his F1 seat and when he had scored his first points and his first win. They had shared those moments together, celebrating their success. Max had seen each victory as a joint one, his dad being so important to his career. He could clearly recall the look of pride on his dad's face at each stage but now Max felt like he had ruined it all. The look of pride had faded away and Max feared it would never be back.

Max was still sat on the floor, head in hands when Christian approached him, sitting next to him on the ground. He put his arm around his driver, trying to provide some comfort as Max was clearly in distress.

'Max, the team will all be behind you. Every step of the way. Same as always. For what it's worth, I have never been so proud of you.'

With those words Max burst into tears again. Completely unable to process what he was feeling, a mixture at joy of finally being able to be who he was and being accepted by his friends and most of his family and then utter despair that his dad had seemed so repulsed. To make matters worse this was only the first step, in a couple days the whole world would know. He started to wonder if he had made the right decision but there was no way to undo what he had already started.