Falling Slowly (A Hogwarts Lovestory) - Fred Weasley Fanfiction

19 | The Hardest Part

Nobody else visited me the next couple of days. What had happened? It wasn't long ago when I was quite popular. Okay, I didn't exactly expect Angelina to show up or George, but what about the rest? What about Katie or Harry and Ron? Ginny? Maybe they all heard about the horrible way I had treated Fred. Maybe they didn't want anything to do with me anymore. And I couldn't blame them.
When exactly had I become that kind of person that yells at her friends? I felt ashamed of myself. Why did I care so much about the fact that I could unterstand snake language? Why did I care so much that Dumbledore kept secrets from me? Isn't friendship and the way I treat people what actually defines me? In spite of all that? Without remark I had allowed the black hole of my heart to swallow me up piece by piece. And I hated what was left of me.

I didn't know if Madam Pomfrey believed my made up story about my long lasting stomach cramps or if she just pitied the horrible way I looked, but she didn't say anything and didn't sent me home.
The day I decided to leave was the day when Penelope Clearwater turned up. Petrified, like all the others, and accompanied by the completely upset Percy Weasley.
"Miss Clearwater, oh, what a tragedy!", mumbled Madam Pomfrey, searching furiously through her medicine stocks. I drew away the curtains that covered me from curious looks of uninvited guests, and there she was. Her eyes were still wide open, like in an act of suprise. Percy sobbed quietly next to her bed, holding her hand the whole time. Seing them like this fulfilled me with sadness but also with great affection. Percy was ever so caring and I was sure he was as perfectionist in his relationship as he was when it came to following rules. He probably wasn't the Weasley I was closest to, but he was family.
"I am so so sorry, Perce", I said quietly to him. My voice broke in the middle of the sentence, I hadn't used it in days.
Percy looked up to me, his eyes filled with tears. "Just make sure to say everything that needs to be said as long as you can. I wish I'd done it. I didn't tell Penelope I loved her. I was too afraid. And now I may never get the chance. What if Professor Sprouts mandrakes aren't strong enough? What if she never wakes up again?" Percy leaned over Penelope's stiff body and whispered "I love you, Penelope. Can you hear me? I love you."
"She's going to be fine, Perce. I know she will."

What a wise, wise man he was. I had to come true about myself. I had to be honest with the ones I loved. If the dusky sky outside didn't fool me, it was short after dinner. Soon, everybody would be back in their houses. That was my chance. I closed the door to the Hospital Wing as quietly as possible when I left, I didn't want to be seen wandering alone through the castle, and headed off to the Gryffindor tower.

They were already there. When I climbed through the portrait hole and entered the common room, everybody suddenly stopped their conversations. All eyes lay on me. Harry and Ron stopped what seemed like a heated discussion. Neville dropped his toad when he saw me. Alicia and Katie sat by the fireplace and looked up from a pile of books on their knees. Dean whispered something to Seamus, whose hair looked a bit charred, as if he'd accidentally blown up something again. I couldn't see Ginny anywhere. Or Angelina. They were probably upstairs in the dormitories.
And there, next to the spiral stairway that lead up to the dorms, stood Fred and George. I took a deep breath and walked right towards them.
"Can you let me through, please?", I asked when I reached them. George stepped a step aside and I walked straight up to my dorm.

"Angelina."
She stood at the window watching the school owls flying towards the horizon and had her back turned to me. She didn't move when I entered the room or made any other sign that she had even noticed me. I had to be quick or I knew she'd leave immediately. This was my only chance.
"I was being a bitch."
Angelina still didn't move but I noticed a little change in her posture. I had her attention.
"You're my friend, Angelina. My best friend, actually. I should've been honest with you. I'm sorry I haven't." I made a small pause and risked to come a few steps closer to her.
"I haven't been honest with myself, either. I was too proud to admit that I liked Fred. That I, Julie Daniels, had fallen for a guy who was with another woman. And the fact that that woman was my best friend didn't make it any easier."
My voice was now not more than a whisper.
"I hurt you because of my stupid pride. And not only you, a lot of other people, too. Like Roger. I rather wanted to be with a guy that admired me even if I had feelings for another. I didn't want to be alone. I know that now. I didn't know it then."
Angelina turned her head and I could see the silhouette of her face. She was crying.
"I had hoped that... if I just pretended I didn't had those feelings that they would simply... vanish. But the only thing that vanished was my self-respect. I was an asshole, Angelina. I know you'll probably never talk to me again but I want you to know that you're the best friend I ever had and that I was a better version of myself when we were friends. And I will try my best to be that person again. So... if there's any chance you'll ever agree to give me a second chance - I'll take it."
She didn't say anything at first. Just when I thought she'd never answer me and I was about to leave, I heard her clearing her throat.
"I knew he liked you", she said cautious. "He never looked at me the way he looks at you. But when he asked me to be with him... I guess I just liked being better than you even for once."
"Better than me?"
"Yeah, Julie. Better than you. Can't you see that? You're good in absolutely everything! Except Quidditch, maybe, but you don't even need to be good at sports to be cool. The teachers think you're brilliant, boys are chasing after you, everybody likes you and not just the cool kids. Everybody wants to be like you. It felt good to be more important to someone than Julie fucking Daniels. Even if it was just a illusion."
"That's what you think about me?"
"No. That's what everybody thinks about you, Julie."
"Then these everybody clearly don't know me at all. But you've known me for almost four years now, Angelina. Did you honestly never noticed how weird I am actually?"
"Ehr, no?" Angelina raised her eyebrows.
"I'm carrying a diary everywhere I go."
"That's not weird, most people do that."
"I write songs down in it."
"That's actually pretty cool."
"I write exclusively sad songs down in it. Because that's the only way I can express my feelings without going completely mad."
"Everybody thinks you're a brilliant musician. I wish I'd be like you."
"No, Angelina", I said. "You seriously don't. I don't have a family. I don't have anyone outside of Hogwarts. When I step out of these walls, I am nothing. The reason I play music is not because I want to impress anyone. It is because it's the only thing that stops me from falling apart. If I could just swap my life into yours I'd do it without thinking. But I know we can not simply swap our lifes. That's why I want you so badly to be a part of mine."
I must have said the right thing because Angelina bursted into tears at my last words.
"Please promise me we won't let any guy come between us again, okay?", she sobbed.
"I promise."

Angelina and I stayed up all night eating leftover chocolate frogs from Christmas in my bed. Alicia and Katie joined us later at night and I apologised to them, too. I knew how lucky I was to have such forgiving friends. I managed to save my friendship with Angelina quite easy, but I knew the hardest part was still waiting for me.

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh, and that's the hardest part
- Coldplay