Fear of Intimacy

Chapter 16....

"I'll just have a bowl of fruit and some toast."

"Seems like everyone had fun last night." Bryton remarked, a wide grin on his face. Next to him Sydni looked worse than I did. She was leaning against Bryton and looked half asleep.

"It was amazing." Josie answered then continued on talking about how much fun the vacation has been.

As I refilled my coffee I felt Trevor lean in close to my side.

"How did you sleep?"

"Good, at least I think good." He chuckled at my words. "Do you know how I got to my room?"

"I brought you back." At his words I remembered walking back to the hotel with him. A nagging voice kept telling me I did something stupid and embarrassing but I couldn't remember for the life of me.

"I didn't....I didn't do anything bad did I?" For the first time since sitting down I looked at Trevor. At the sight of him a memory flashed across my mind of the two of us at the club. We were dancing and he whispered something to me. Tasha remember!

"Depends what your definition of 'bad' is." The look on Trevor's face did nothing to ease my worry.

The longer I stared at Trevor the more I started to remember last night. I started to remember dancing with Johnno, jealous of the girl touching Trevor, and then him appearing behind me. His words once again flashing through my mind and making my stomach clench.

I wanted to cringe at the memory of trying to dance in the middle the street but I didn't even get a chance before I remembered what happened in my room last night.

Because when I take you I want you completely sober.

I could tell Trevor knew exactly what I was thinking as the corner of his lip tilted up. Oh god. Oh god. I threw myself at him last night. My drunk self invited him to spend the night and he had to gently let me down.

Humiliation washed over me. What the fuck were you thinking Tasha! I looked down into my coffee mug, unable to hold Trevor's gaze. I cringed as I remember pushing my shirt up my legs, trying to be sexy but wasn't.

I'm so embarrassed. Of all people I had to throw myself at Trevor. Trevor who I've finally gotten to a good place with.

"Tasha-" Trevor started to say but the waitress come up with our food interrupting him.

I silently thanked her for her timing. It was all too much right now.

The rest of breakfast I ignored him. I could feel his eyes on me every few minutes but I kept my eyes either on my food or on the others as they talked. I knew Trevor wanted to say something but every time I saw him open his mouth I would turn to Landon or the others and talk.

I knew I was probably overreacting and it wasn't a big deal but it was. I may have been drunk last night but the need to kiss Trevor was still there. The attraction I've felt for the guy since day one was back in full force. All the walls I put up, all the little lies I told myself, were gone.

I wanted him.

God did I want him but I couldn't have him. He wasn't mine to have. Not when I had issues. Aside from the obvious one, I never had good experiences with guys. Every boyfriend I've had either cheated or left. I even had few that used me to get to my parents. I wasn't even sure I knew what being in love felt like.

Trevor didn't need that. He deserved better and as much as I wish it could be me....it wasn't.

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