A Diamond Heart

Episode 24

I did say something about that kiss with Micaela to Pedro after all, but I had to deny it in front of him because I was still unsure of what I'd felt during that kiss, and besides is not worth talking about. I was just tensed when she kissed me, yes, I was tensed that's why I felt that way. It was my first time sharing a kiss with a woman, so it's expected to have that awkward feeling.

"Hello, handsome!" A woman's voice chirped beside me and I squint at her and sat up immediately. My gaze travels up her face and it made me wonder where she had appeared all of a sudden. "Quit looking like you've seen a ghost, you should be glad a beauty queen like me is talking to you" She smiled and I raised a brow at her.

Beauty queen? Who told her she was beautiful? I focused on her face down to her body and I....well, she's not bad looking after all but that shouldn't make her hype herself you know.

Staring at this lady right beside me reminds me of someone, Micaela Alvarado. Weird imaginations of her sitting right next to me clouded my thoughts, and the thought of her soft lips lingering on mine sent different signals to my whole body.

I squeeze my eyes shut briefly and fluttered them open. No, no, no, this is just stupid! I can't be thinking of her right now, there's no way I'll let just one kiss turn me into something else. Perhaps she is not the only lady that can send such signals to me, it could be something that happens when you kiss every lady. What if I try it with this lady? She could be the sign I need to forget about that one kiss I had with Micaela.

I plugged my gaze with the lady sitting beside me and she shrugs. I'm sure she was wondering why I'm staring at her like that without saying a word to her. I cupped her cheek and kissed her lips. Call it crazy but I did it, I wish I didn't do it but I did it even though it was forbidden for me to do that to myself.

I couldn't care less if it lasted a minute or just 30 seconds, but all I knew was that I pulled away gritting my teeth bitterly. She was dumbfounded as she stared at me blankly in a gap. I shook my head at her and stood up hastily and vanished from her sight while I heard some cussed words behind me.

***

"Hey, buddy, what's up? Why are you looking so perturbed?" Antonio asks as we sat in my living room. I'd call him over to my house after I'd left the park 30 minutes ago. I was deeply confused and restless after I kissed that lady in the park. I don't need someone to tell me what I did to that stranger was bad. I was meant to apologize for what I did but I only walked away as if nothing happened.

"Perturbed is an understatement, if there's another suitable word that describes how I feel right now then you should use it instead" came my reply and Antonio snorted. To say the truth I'm more than perturbed, I'm lost and I need someone to find me and put me back on track.

"What happened buddy? Why are you sounding so serious? What went wrong when you went out for a jog this morning?"

"I kissed a lady" I answered irritatingly.

"Woah! Seriously?! Is that the new you now, you going around kissing ladies? First is with Micaela and now it's with some random lady? Who is next? And When did you become a Casanova?".

"Just stop it already Antonio, is not funny. I'm not a Casanova. You of all people should know I have no dealings with women".

"But yet you kissed two ladies within 48 hours" he scoffed and glance around.

"I have my reasons!" I retorted and he raised a brow at me. "When you asked me yesterday about the kiss with Micaela, I didn't give you an answer because I was still thinking it through".

"Yes, that's right, I know sooner or later you'd tell me" he flashed me a smile and I scowled at him. "Sorry," he raised his hands in defeat.
"Yes, I did feel something like fireworks in my stomach and my heart throbbed faster when we kissed..."

"Yes! It is called butterflies, buddy! Or well you can call it whatever you like!" he exclaimed excitedly cutting me off I shot him a glare that wiped off his excitement and I continued.

"I thought I was just tensed since it was my first time engaging in a kiss with a lady but I was wrong. I decided to try it with a random lady that was wooing me at the park and when I did kiss her, I felt no butterflies or fireworks in my stomach. My heartbeat was normal and I wasn't even nervous. I got so confused and ran from the park to my house. I had to call you down here to understand what is happening to me. Why didn't I feel the same chills and fireworks in my stomach with this random lady as I did with Micaela?"

"That's love!" He answered grinning from ear to ear.

"What is love?" I furrowed at him confusedly.

"Love is when you met with Micaela Alvarado and you saved her life more than twice like some prince charming in a fairy tale and then you both shared a kiss that ignited fireworks inside the both of you and 'boom! there's a connection that causes you not to take your mind off her" he explains or more or less blabs. Yes, Antonio is blabbing, what he just explained is arrant nonsense.

"Antonio?"

"Yes, brother".

"Can you always do me a favor and not answer some questions you are not sure of the answers to? I'd prefer you say you don't know instead of giving me a wrong answer".

"What?? What do you even mean by that?" he asks with a scowl.

"It means what you just explained to me about love is trash. Sorry if that came offensive" I said and he snorted.

"Buddy! Don't tell me you're trying to play dumb and also blind at the same time over this thing called love?"

"And I ask again, what is love? Because I don't understand how you summarize all I said about kissing two ladies that gave me different feelings being love".

"Hold on a sec, what don't you understand? That your mind is hazed with a woman named Micaela Alvarado? Or that you're trying to repudiate what you felt all the times you spent with this woman while you were in Seoul and most especially the magical kiss you both shared?"

His question caught me off-guard and I stared blankly at him. Love? Did he say, love? That's impossible! Love is not on my agenda, I can never love a woman, not after the trauma I went through because of them. Whatever I must have felt while I was with Micaela isn't real and cannot be real. Perhaps I was just imagining myself feeling a tingling inside of me when it's just nervousness. Besides, how do you love someone in just two days?

"That can't be love. I can never love a woman and you Antonio know it. Love isn't on my agenda, and it will never be. What I felt with Micaela was just nervousness and..."

"Why didn't you feel the same nervousness with the random lady you kissed this morning?" he interrupted and I stared at him silently for a moment.

"Well, because it was the first time with Micaela, and when it comes to the second lady, I wasn't nervous as the first time maybe because I am getting used to it. As they say, there's always a first time to something and I guess that's what happened to me" I answered with a shrug and he snorted.

"Keep lying to yourself, Fernando Perez. You might think you can deceive me, but do you know who you can't deceive? It's yourself!"

"I'm not deceiving myself, Antonio".

"Of course, you are. In fact, right now your eyes are betraying you".

"What do you even know about my eyes?" I grunted. I think I'm beginning to get pissed off right now. The reason for that is what I don't know.

"The truth is always so bitter and agitating, dear brother" he scoffed and that got me more agitated.

"What are you even saying?" I grunted and he shrugs in response.

Is it true I'm feeling enraged because all that he was saying is the truth or am I just being paranoid?