You Tripped, I Fall

chapter one

Just continue what you started, Aina. They can't harm you.

With a heavy breath and shaky hands, tumuntong ako sa stage habang nananatili ang mga mata sa suot kong black leather shoes. The teacher handed me the certificate. I had done this ceremony too many times this school year that I can't easily forget their faces now. And of course, those meaningful looks that drag me down no matter how much I stay positive about myself.

Bago ko pa man tanggapin ang certificate at ang handshake ni Mrs. Mendoza, tumalon ang puso ko nang malupit niyang hinigit ang aking kamay. I winced in pain but that pain fades when she pulled my body easily like a rope, atsaka dinikit ang kanang pisngi sa kaliwa kong tenga.

"Meet me at the guidance office after you descend this stage. Understand?" Mrs. Mendoza firmly whispered, all while keeping a fake smile on her face for the audience.

I flinched. The air coming from her mouth causes goosebumps that ran up to every part of my skin. I nodded obediently. Matapos non ay dahan-dahan akong humarap sa tanawing pinupuno ng mga tao. A sudden flash of camera blazed up my sight, making my eyes close, unable to easily ease the pain it creates.

Taking my steps out of that pent up pressure stage, I could still feel some of them following me as I walk out of there. Kaya naman hindi na ako bumalik pa sa upuan ko sa auditorium. Nagtungo agad ako sa Guidance Office, to escape that hell-choking place— to escape their misconception of the situation. 

Nang makarating sa office, unang bumungad sa paningin ko ang adviser naming si Sir Lemor. His smile seems soothing to some students but I'm at my lowest these days. Kahit umupo ako sa malambot na sofa salungat nito, hindi nakatulong 'yon na gawin akong komportable. I just feel my body sinking more, and more... and more.

"You're a disgrace if the student council president's post is true. What's your take about that, Miss Gomez?" Shortly after I entered, Mrs. Mendoza followed.

Tinikom ko ang bibig at saglit itong binasa. "That's true po." My hand plays with my teared down nails.

She let out a vibrating sigh. Kaunti na lang ay magugusot na nang tuluyan ang mukha niya sa pinaghalo-halong emosyon tungo sa akin. I could see that. Mapupuno na ang pagtitiis niya nang dahil sa gulong pinasiklab ko. 

"Alam mo ba kung magkanong paghihirap at sakripisyo ng bawat isa ang ginasta mo?! You're the treasurer of the student council for a reason! We trusted you, Ms. Gomez. You can't just spend the seniors funds for your selfish desires! Naisip mo man lang ba kung gaano ito makakaapekto sa pagiging running in valedictorian mo?" Her expression really made me feel like an idiot. The mindless one. The senseless. The shameless person in this room.

And that's true. That's me.

Nang dahil sa huling sinabi niya, tila nagkaroon bigla ng tinik na yumakap sa aking leeg. Being the consistent valedictorian has always been my dream. That's what I thrive for, specially now that I'm a graduating high school student. Being valedictorian is my pride. 

Ang sakit sa pakiramdam. When your pride was crushed in front of the others, ang hirap magpatuloy.