Their doll 2

53- Battle

"It's complicated."

From my peripheral vision, I could see Chris did a double take at me.

"You don't trust me." He assumed.

"It's not that, Chris." I groaned. My voice came out, sounding more broken than I'd intended. I rested my head back, sighing.

"You're so..complex, you know that." He muttered, accusingly and I could feel another set of tears forming in the back of my eyes, "One minute, you act like we're best friend. You always come to me about anything, and I am not saying you shouldn't but—"

But. I despised that word in any sentence.

"Apart from your own problems, you hardly speak to me about anything else." He reprimanded, "You never answer my question. You expect me to read you, understand you and be there for you."

Guilt instantly pooled in my stomach. I hated that I couldn't say he was wrong. But honestly, this is just unfair.

"I want to help you, Astrid. I truly do." He said, "But it's impossible to be emotionally there for someone you don't actually know."

I felt my lips slightly parted open, but words stuck in the back of my now-desert dry throat. For a second, I stared back at Chris, unblinking, speechless. I was shocked that he felt that way. Hurt that I couldn't be honest with him.

Watching his eyebrows drew together as he continued, "What if I can help you. You don't even give me a chance."

A few drops of tear rolled down my cheeks suddenly.

"Please, Astrid. Talk to me."

Swallowing back my tears, I couldn't identify the emotions I was feeling. I felt safe, yet scared. I wanted to tell Chris everything, yet I didn't want to utter a single. I sat there, preparing myself for this long, emotional conversation we were about to have.

Because once I began, I don't see how we could ever stop.

"Can you promise to keep it a secret?" I asked.

Chris agreed, unhesitatingly, "Yes. I promise." He didn't even take a second to pause, nor think about the possible outcome of my story. He just promised me, "But if your boyfriend were to ask—"

"You cannot tell him anything." I stated, firmly which resulted in Chris appearing taken back by my suddenly raising tone, "Chris, I am serious. I need you to promise me that you won't tell anyone."

His glance narrowed.

"You're not cheating on him, right?" He asked and I looked at him, grudgingly, "I just had to make sure."

"Of course, not." I would be damned if I was. Ace is the kind of guy I don't deserve. He's perfect in every ways. Whereas I, I'm any man's worst nightmare. My biggest fear is that no one can ever accept me. Of course, anyone liked this Astrid. She's fresh and untroubled. But what about the tainted Aurora. The disgusting, and disgraceful old me.

Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear uncomfortably, my lips moved with zero-self confidence as I began.

"About seven months ago, I made a deal with this guy." Heaving several deep breaths before continued, "Basically, bribed my way into college."