Lucifer Deux

Thirty Four

"Well, aren't we singing a freaking different tune," Dean said before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Luci, Linda's been calling to talk to you all morning," Amenadiel suddenly said.

Lucifer groaned. "Bloody Hell, I'm going to get reamed out for an hour."

~

"What the Hell were you thinking?" Linda asked from over the computer in front of Lucifer.

"Honestly Doctor, Hell had nothing to do with it. Well, actually, I suppose it did. It was why I was so angry," Lucifer said.

Linda did not look amused. "Amenadiel said that Michael was okay, but do you understand the damage you could've done by going at him like that?"

"At the time, Doctor, I didn't much care. I was angry. I wanted Michael to stop hiding from what he'd done. I didn't care what it did to him as long as he admitted what he'd done," Lucifer said.

"You don't seem so angry now. You seem kind of remorseful," Linda said.

Lucifer nodded. "I was wrong. I have been wrong for eons. I hated Michael, even more than my own parents. In my mind, he abandoned me, and he was the one person I should always be able to count on to help me."

"Because Michael raised you. He was the father figure in your life. His betrayal hurt worse than anyone else's," Linda said.

"Yes, but Michael didn't betray me. He sent me to Hell, but he didn't do it to hurt me. He was trying to protect me from our father," Lucifer said.

Linda wasn't at all surprised by what Lucifer said. She remembered how Michael spoke of having to punish his brother. The way he said it made it seem like if he didn't do it, Lucifer's fate would've been worse. She'd known that something wasn't right. "What would your father have done?"

"He'd deemed my sins unforgiveable, despite the fact that it was partially his fault. He was going to kill me," Lucifer said.

Linda was slightly taken aback by her patient's last statement, but at the same time, she wasn't entirely shocked. She'd heard enough about this man to know that he wasn't like most fathers. He was cruel and controlling at the least. Small infractions led to severe punishments. Still, killing your own child was more than extreme. "Are you sure?"

"That was his original plan, yes. I'm not entirely sure if he changed his plan in the end. Michael never gave him the chance. He sent me away before anything could be done about it," Lucifer said. Of course, his father could have still reached him in Hell if he wanted to kill him. Michael probably hoped that he would leave well enough alone as long as Lucifer was gone.

"I'm sorry, Lucifer. I cant imagine that was easy to find out," Linda said.

"No, not really. I spent an eternity believing my brother betrayed me. He didn't. Through all of it, Michael was always loyal to me. Even when he eventually tried to come after me, it was because his mind broke. He was loyal. I wasn't," Lucifer said. He was never going to forgive himself for thinking the worst of Michael. He gave up on his brother.

"Lucifer, you were angry. The one person you trusted to protect you sent you away. You had no reason to believe he'd done it to protect you," Linda said.

"I should've known my own brother," Lucifer said.

"You're focused on the aspect of this that includes your brother. What about the other part? Have you thought of what you've learned about your father?" Linda asked.

Lucifer snorted. "I've always known my father was a bastard."

"There's a difference between having issues with your father and finding out he planned to kill you. I cant believe that's not affecting you," Linda said.

"I...I've tried not to let it. I've tried to tell myself that my father and what tried to do to me doesn't matter. I'd already believed he sent me to Hell, and I hated him for it. What does it matter if his real plan was more sinister? I already hated him. I cant possibly hate him more," Lucifer said.

"But it does matter."

Lucifer nodded. "I cant stop thinking about it. I think about it every time I look at my son, every time I think about him. I love him. I just cant imagine anything Jack could do that would make me wish him dead. If the day ever comes when I can fathom such a thing, I will kill myself."

"Most parents feel that way. It means you're a good father," Linda said.

"My own father wanted me dead," Lucifer said in disbelief.

"It's okay to be hurt by that," Linda said.

"No, it's not. If I'm hurt by it, it means I don't hate him. That's simply not acceptable," Lucifer said.

"Lucifer..."

"I think I'd like to end this here, Doctor," Lucifer said. He didn't want to talk anymore. He just wanted to be alone to figure things out.

"Okay. Do you wanna send Michael in?" Linda asked.

"Certainly," Lucifer said before getting up and heading out of the room.

~

A few hours later, Lucifer found his older brother in the library staring into space. "Michael, are you alright?" He was a bit worried Michael may have gone back to his previous, oblivious state with the way his eyes looked.

Michael turned to his brother. "Hi, Sam...Um, Lu...Luc..."

Lucifer watched as his brother began to hyperventilate just trying to say his name. "It's okay. You can call me Samael."

"You don't like it," Michael said.

"No, not particularly, but I don't want you to be upset saying my name. Besides, I find I don't mind it as much coming from you anymore," Lucifer said.

"It wasn't you, right? I'm not wrong about that, am I?" Michael asked.

Lucifer knew what his brother was asking. He was making sure it wasn't Lucifer that tortured him. "No, it wasn't me. It thought it was me, but it wasn't. But I cant say I'm not at fault. I created it. It was the only way I could save myself from the Mark."

"I don't understand."

Lucifer sat next to his brother and explained how the being that tortured him had come into being. He explained how that thing locked in the Cage was never him.

"Amenadiel tried to tell me that it wasn't you in there. I think. My head's still jumbled. Sometimes I think I'm mixing up my thoughts, and that some of them aren't real," Michael explained.

"Well, that one is. He did tell you that. You didn't believe him," Lucifer said.

"Okay, so that was real. I...I think I remember Raphael getting in my head. He was pressuring me to enact the final plan. He said it was inevitable. I kept saying no," Michael said. Suddenly, he remembered facing off with that being at the battle ground. "Did I do it? I wouldn't. I wouldn't hurt you."

"I think your mind was so mixed up at that point that you didn't fully know what you were doing. You didn't hurt me, Michael. That was not me," Lucifer reminded him.

"But I wanted to. No, I didn't want to, but I was going to. You were worse. The Mark corrupted you. Raphael said I had to put you out of your misery. He said I had to do it. But I still said no. Even when he made sure the vessels were born, I said no. When did I say yes? Why?" Michael asked no one in particular.

"It's not important. You'll remember when you're ready to. In any event, it doesn't matter to me. I know you never would've hurt me if you weren't so screwed up," Lucifer said.

"But I tried to, Samael," Michael said.

"It doesn't matter. Listen, you should rest. It has been a long couple of days. You need to try to come to terms with all that you've remembered," Lucifer said.

Michael nodded and got up. He really could use some rest. As an angel, he couldn't sleep, but he could lay down and relax his mind.