"Oh . . . oh my." Susan would never have guessed that. "Why's that?"
"Never had food growing up, have food now so I got no discretion. Also got addiction in my family." Sairah was getting bored of this walk. "This place is gigantic and everyone keeps staring at me. It's f*cking annoying."
Susan was still stuck on the eating disorder. "Are you gonna need help with that? Should I monitor what you eat too? I can do that if you want."
"No it's fine. I eat what they pack. My grandma gave me a f*cking lecture before I came here about not using my emergency money on food so that's that." Sairah frowned. "It's kind of annoying though. I've got my own money that I make but they won't let me have it 'cause I can't be trusted. I mean I get it but . . . grunt." She grew quiet.
Susan watched her in silence for a moment. "Your family seems to be doing a good job."
"Yeah well . . . they don't want me to die." Sairah would miss Jade at lunch time. She'd be eating by herself. Doesn't matter. She didn't mind being alone.
"Must be difficult being in a new city and new setting. Feeling overwhelmed?" Susan was also here to provide emotional support.
Sairah took a moment to respond. "The halls zoom in and out and people's eyes stay on my mind. Kinda like a horror movie. Ever seen one of those?"
"I have." Susan held her arm to bring her to a different hallway. "Does that usually happen when you go to a new place?"
"It's only happening now because I'm not in survival mode. That's my therapist's explanation to everything." Sairah kept her eyes on her shoes. "Things are weird. I dunno. Kinda wanna throw up."
"Oh." Susan was worried. "If you feel like going home during the day you can do that. Everyone understands your situation."
"Yeah. I guess so." Sairah had not slept last night. She had had problems sleeping in her grandparents house in New York when she and Jade had gone there over the summer once but that was for a different reason. Her guilt had been keeping her up. Now it was more like anxiety. Like when Marcy had been gone for a while to check on Leigh. Shit on me. How did it make sense that the fact that her body was more relaxed made it so that all the effects of autism were allowed to hit her full force? According to Dr. Jung, in the past, it seemed to only show itself through her sensitivity to noise and inability to properly emotionally connect with her older sister. F*ck. Sairah needed to lie down.
They made it to the class at last and Sairah took some time to stare at the crazy set up. This room was huge.
"Come on." Susan was a few steps ahead.
Sairah went after her and they sat together in the middle of the class. Other students were here sitting around and talking. The room was noisy actually. Grr. She frowned and turned around to look at a bunch of guys in Oxford jerseys.
"I told her she didn't stand a chance. I'm going to be the top and that's that. No contest." One of the boys sat on the desk.
"If she's got a weak spot for English then she'll definitely struggle. But I heard she's done a lot in her country. It's insane the brains in here man. I'm so excited to meet them all." The guys continued.
Susan noticed that their volume may be an issue. "You've got noise canceling earphones right?" She whispered.
Sairah placed elbows on the table and massaged the sides of her head. "I do. My mum bought them but . . ." She looked to her side at some girls who were talking about some science fair and then to her front at a mix of students conversing on some research paper. There were so many of them and they were all talking at once. At her old school the classes were a quarter of the size of this one.
Chapter 45
Start from the beginning
