Arken Needs

32

Tuluyang pinaandar ni Dad ang kotse at ang huli ko na lang na nagawa ay tanawin ang bahay kung saan mahimbing na natutulog si Reihan. Kada distansyang tinatahak ng kinasasakyan ko ay siyang paghigpit ng dibdib ko. This is too much, but I need to be brave and comeback.

I will definitely come back for you, love. Maybe not soon, but I will definitely will. You only belong to me and I'll claim you again, but for now, I have to do something to prove to your mother that I am deserving for your love. I love you so much, Reihan, let's see each other again.

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Reihan's

Tulala ako habang nakaupo sa sala at hindi ko pa rin maipasok sa ulo ko ang sinasabi ni mama.

Arken left me.

I thought everything is going okay and he also promised not to leave me but look where we are now.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang umiling-iling habang pinipilit na hindi paniwalaan ang nangyayari.

"No, he didn't actually left me, right? Ma, he didn't, right?" Tumingin ako kay mama at seryoso lang siyang nakamasid saakin habang papaiyak na ako. I looked at her pleadingly. Tumayo ako at lumapit kay mama na nakaupo sa kabilang sofa. Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya at humawak sa balikat niya.

"Ma, I don't want him to leave- he didn't, right? Tell me you're kidding-" Inalis ni mama ang kamay ko na nakahawak sa magkabilang balikat niya.

"He didn't want to leave, but he already chose to. We can't do anything about that, Reihan." Parang walang pakialam na sabi ni mama. Tuluyang tumulo ang mga luha ko pero umiling-iling pa rin. It can't be.

"Alam kong hindi ako iiwan ni Arken, ma. This is fucking impossible!" Tumayo ako at kinuha ko ang selpon ko para tawagan si Arken pero narinig ko agad ang tunog ng selpon niya sa taas ng kwarto. Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa sahig at patuloy na umiling-iling.

Hindi, hindi maaari. It can't be! We were okay last night! Napamura ako at tuluyang umiyak nang maalala kung paano ako inangkin kagabi ni Arken.

He did it so tender and slow, na para bang sinusulit niya na ang oras na magkasama kami. Napahagulhul ako at agad na tumayo para sana lumabas at hanapin si Arken pero agad akong napigilan ni mama.

"Reihan! Stop it, wala na siya, you should focus on your own life! What the two of you have was nothing but a puppy reckless love, nothing more than that." Naguguluhan akong lumingon kay mama. She knew? She knew that we love each other?

"Ma, you knew that I love him but you let him leave?" Humihikbi kong tanong. Umiwas ng tingin saakin si mama.

"I'm still disappointed with the two of you, Reihan. I needed to put a stop on what the two of you were doing, it's not right." I looked at her with confusion but it didn't take long for me to understand what she's saying. She knew. She knew everything and she's probably the one who made Arken left.

Tuluyan akong humikbi na parang bata at napaupo sa sahig.

"What is not right, ma?" If our love was not right, why did I feel so contented and happy about it?

"Reihan, tanggap ko pa na magmamahal ka ng kapwa mo lalaki, pero ang mahalin sa ganoong paraan ang lalaking kinupkup ko at pinakilala ko sayo para maging kapatid mo? That was not right, Reihan, that was so wrong in so many aspect!" Hindi pumasok sa isip ko ang mga sinasabi niya. All I can think of is the fact that Arken broke his promise and actually left me.

"He made me feel so loved, ma. He was the only one who made me feel contented and happy, he cares so much about me, he was always treating me right and always taking care of me. Was that wrong? What was so wrong about it?" I asked her with so much pain in my voice. I can't believe this. I don't want to believe that Arken really left me. He can't do this to me after he made me fall for him. Hindi ko kakayanin. Ngayon pa lang ay hindi ko na kinakaya. Paano pa kaya sa mga susunod na araw na wala siya?

May sinasabi pa si mama pero hindi ko na siya pinakinggan. Tumakbo ako pataas sa kwarto namin at tiningnan ko lahat ng mga gamit ni Arken. Lahat iyon nandito pa rin pati ang selpon niya. Napaupo ako sa kama niya habang hindi ko pa rin pinapaniwalan na iniwan niya na ako.

He didn't actually did it, right? He can't, he won't!

Habang umiiyak ay napayuko ako at tiningnan ang singsing na ibinigay niya saakin.

"You said you won't leave me, you'll come back for me, right? Please, come back quickly, I need you, Arken." I helplessly said while caressing the promise ring he gave me. Inalala ko lahat ang mga oras na sinasabi niya saakin na hindi niya ako iiwan dahil hindi niya kakayanin. Sana nga ay hindi niya kayanin at bumalik agad siya saakin ngayon din. Isama niya na lang ako kung saan man siya pupunta, he shouldn't leave me like this. I can't do this. I need him.

Patuloy akong umiyak nang araw na iyon. Hindi ko matanggap ang lahat at hindi ko tinatanggap na iniwan niya na talaga ako.

I stayed in denial for days, that days turned into weeks, that weeks turned into months. Dalawang buwan bago ko naipasok sa sistema ko na iniwan niya na talaga ako at hindi ko alam kung babalik pa ba siya o hindi. I didn't even receive any message or a call from him. I heard nothing about him, it's like he didn't even exist in my life. All he left me was the promise ring along with excruciating pain.

I was so heartbroken but I stayed hopeful that he'll come back for me. Nabuo ang malaking tampo saakin dahil sa ginawa niya pero patuloy akong umasa na babalikan niya ako at hindi niya iyon patatagalin.

Isang taon. Isang taon pa ako umasa na babalikan niya ako, isang taon kong pinanghawakan ang mga salitang sinabi niya saakin. Isang taon akong naniwala na hindi niya kakayanin na wala ako sa tabi niya, dahil ako, kahit isang taon na ang lumipas ay dala ko pa rin ang sakit na dulot ng pag-iwan niya saakin.

It was that painful that it stayed with me and won't go away. He made me feel so loved, he made me feel so precious, he took me too high just to left me hanging and let me take the lowest fall I've ever experienced.

That one year of missing him turned into two years. Dalawang taon nang matanggap ko na hindi niya na ako babalikan at wala na dapat akong asahan pa.

I looked down on my finger kung saan niya isinuot ang singsing na ibinigay niya saakin noon. With a heavy heart, I finally took it off and placed it inside my drawer.

"Look at that, took me two years to get rid of it." Walang buhay kong ani habang nakatingin sa nakasarang drawer kung saan ko inilagay ang singsing na ibinigay niya saakin. I smiled bitterly. I should finally move on, right? I can't keep doing this to myself. I shouldn't be still hurt like this after two years. Why does this still feel so painful even after two years? Why do I keep missing him? Does he miss me too?

Pinunasan ko agad ang tumulong butil ng luha sa mga mata ko. I should stop crying, I've been doing that for two years now. I should stop.

Tinalikuran ko ang drawer na pinaglagyan ko ng singsing na iyon at pinilit ang sarili kong tanggapin na kailangan ko na talagang kalimutan si Arken. I need to keep moving forward and I need to forget about him and the happy days we spent together before. I should already left it all behind.

It will be another painful journey for me but I shouldn't lose hope about life just because someone left me. I guess that's just how life works.

End of chapter 32

Malupitang timeskip tayo next chap mga be kasi di ko keri ang mga painful chaps 😖