The Broken Bond

Turmoil Of Heart

The funeral pyre was just waiting for Queen Kunti and her sons, and it seemed to Karna that the fire had already been kindled - in his chest.

He wanted to do something, anything. To rush after, kidnap the queen and carry her back to Hastinapur in her arms. Scream in the main square of the city. Call on Surya Dev to burn down the accursed house with fire arrows until no one is inside. But Karna had no right to do anything, the words fell from his lips and formed the seal of the ban. Karna told Duryodhana that he should do what he saw fit, and now any attempt to change something would be a low stab in the back.

It was still impossible to betray Duryodhana, no matter how terrified Karna was on his journey. Treason to a trusted friend and chosen dharma would be a crime no less terrible than an insidious murder. And the demand that Duryodhana doom himself to hell or commit a sin for the sake of his, Karna, peace, was such a betrayal.

But Karna's soul burned, and neither the advice of his father, nor his mother's knees, on which he used to seek solace, could humble the pain. Karna still felt the touch of Queen Kunti's tender fingers on his cheek, saw the smiles of the Pandava princes and heard Arjuna's promise to fight at his first word. No amount of devotion made it any easier to know that soon it would all go down in merciless fire.

If possible, Karna would have stayed at his parents' house, but he should have returned to the palace, which he did. He did not want to see Duryodhana, and moreover, King Shakuni and Dushasana. At some point, Karna remembered that he had missed his usual meeting with Vidura, but at the thought of how he would talk to the chief minister, pretending to know nothing about the imminent terrible death of his beloved nephews, Karna felt nauseous and again to did not go to him. He remained in his chambers and only left them at the shooting range. A couple of times Duryodhana came to him, but Karna could not talk to him as usual, and Duryodhana left him, very annoyed.

Karna tried to distract himself, but he couldn't. Arrows did not obey well, and the magnificent decoration of the royal palace was more striking than ever, evoking thoughts of how soon fire would have consumed these curtains, carpets and pillows, melted bronze lamps and turned wood into ash. Even the warmth of Surya-deva, who did not see the terrible advice in the night cave and continued to bestow his mercy on Karna, no longer pleased. Karna felt that he was deceiving the divine patron, and was afraid that he would lose his favor when everything happened. The days merged into one endlessly dragging painful day, and the nights into one endless night, illuminated by the rapidly waning moon.

At some point, when there was barely time left before the sacrifice, a servant entered Karna and reported on the visit of Minister Vidura. Shaking his whole body, Karna shook his head frantically.

I won't be able to talk to him today.

The servant bowed, left and returned.

- Mr. Minister insists.

Why? What does Vidura need? Karna never thought that their conversations gave him any pleasure and did not at all expect Vidura to wish to meet him.

The minister said he would wait as long as necessary.

It was the height of impoliteness to keep a minister and a man who could be his father on the doorstep like a serving boy. Swallowing, Karna nodded reluctantly.

- Call.

Vidura looked a little tired. He waited for the servants to leave before glaring at Karna with dark eyes. There was silence for a while, and its weight reminded Karna of granite gravestones.

–"I haven't seen you for a long time, Anga-raj. Do you really think that you have learned everything a king is supposed to know?”

Vidura asked after a long pause.