Assassin's Creed Modern One Shots

Incorrect Quotes // part one

A/N: Another little update for you all because life has gotten busy and I've dropped the majority of projects I've wanted to work on. And it sucks, school has taken a lot of my time and inspiration levels are extremely low. Luckily I have many of these incorrect quotes in storage so I'm hoping to just roll these out every now and then to compensate for it. Whether this is a slow and painful end to this project, I don't know. But I'll try my best to revive or keep it alive for as long as I can. Anyway, here's a little something something for you x

Desmond, holding up his class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like "Chipotle".
Desmond, in shock: Wait a minute, is it "Chip-o-tottle"?

Lucrezia: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

Desmond : Ah shit, I forgot.
Jacob: Forgot what?
Desmond : How do you expect me to answer that?

Evie: Can I have a private talk with you?
Desmond : Okay, as long as it's not about tampons because I just don't understand them.

Desmond: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Evie: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Ezio: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.
Connor : I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Jacob: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Arno : I have emotional scars.

Ezio: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego.
Ezio: My facebook photo is a landscape.

Evie: Do you take constructive criticism?
Ezio: No, only cash or credit.

Evie: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

Ezio: Breathe, just breathe.
Jacob: I've done nothing with my life! I'm a failure!
Arno: Awww, that never bothered you before.

Evie: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn't see their reflection?
Desmond : I've never considered it but you're really shining light on what's probably a very serious issue.

Desmond : I apologise for saying 'fuck' in front of Jacob.
Connor : You just said it again.
Jacob:
Desmond : I am not a role model.

Connor : Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.
Ezio: Forty five seconds?!?
Connor : No! I said four TO five seconds.
Ezio, hugging Connor : Too late.

Arno: I didn't even realise how sarcastic I was being. It's starting to become a problem, I think.

The Group: *walking at the mall*
Ezio: Hey, have any of you guys seen Arno? He's been gone for a while..
Desmond : Eh, nope.
Connor : No, I have not...
Evie: Probably ran off to McDonald's or something.
Arno: Hey.
Ezio: Ooh, there you are-
Desmond : What the fu-
Evie: I- where were you?!
Arno: Walking right behind you guys.

Ezio: When's the last time you slept?
Desmond : Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Ezio: A few- how many?!
Desmond : Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Ezio: What you need is sleep!

Connor : Baby vibes... hold gentle... like hamburger.
Evie: Punt like football.

Arno: Sometimes, I don't realise an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Evie: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?
Arno: Can't relate.
Ezio: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

Arno: I am darkness. I am power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Connor : A doll.
Jacob: A cinnamon roll.
Desmond : A sweetheart.
Arno:
Arno: ...stop it.

Arno: What's wrong with you?
Desmond : Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

Desmond : Y'know, maybe things aren't so bad. I'm here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts.
Jacob: Hey, Desmond .
Desmond : GODDAMNIT!

Ezio: "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."
Desmond : Opposite over hypotenuse.
Desmond : Dipshit.

Desmond: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Arno: >:O language
Jacob : Yeah watch your fucking language
Evie: Okay, who taught Jacob the fuck word?!
Ezio: 'The fuck word'.
Connor : Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Desmond : Oh my god he censored it
Ezio: Say fuck, Connor.
Desmond : Do it, Connor. Say fuck.

Evie: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Jacob, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Connor : Can we go to a haunted house?
Evie: What's wrong with the one we live in?
Connor : Wh-what?
Evie: Goodnight, Connor .