Don't Delete The Kisses // Minsung

Here I Am Feeling Sorry For Myself🍁

The air is crisp and absolutely freezing. Low-key considering turning back because one: I forgot a hat and two: I forgot a scarf.

I also only have a small bomber jacket on. That isn't giving me any warmth either so that's great.

The sky above is a pitch dark black, obviously it's winter. The stars are barely there, so there must be clouds. I hope it doesn't rain, that would be the worst. But who's to say it won't? Me hoping it doesn't is just stupid. It probably will since nothing goes my way.

Lee Minho doesn't deserve to be listened to at all!!

I turn around a corner and see the park gate in the distance. Parks always look more scary at nighttime. That's until you go in there and just see a bunch of drunk people, druggies and your local pedophile called Ricky or something odd like that.

It's rather a sight to see really. I'm used to the park at night and the more you go the more used to it you become. It's like moving schools, or moving houses. You get used to it eventually. Even though there might still be a ting of hatred for how things are.

Depends on context I guess. I enter the park gates and feel a weird wind flow past me, oddly enough it was as if it was trying to push me out of the place. I shake my head and curse at myself for imaging dumb things.

I shove my frozen hands into the pockets of my jacket and walk along the pathways between the trees of the park.

I've already passed three people collectively doing drugs. They offer me some but I just shake my head and they don't say much further.

I end up on a swing in the play area. As much as you'd think swinging on a rusty swing in the middle of the night in a park all alone would be rather edgy. It's not. It's just plain sad.

Why am I here? What am I doing? I could be at the dorm right now watching a monster high movie with Felix and eating his cinnamon cookies but nope. I run away from conversations because I can't set boundaries and here I am, freezing to death on a swing in the park.

Well done, Minho. You did it again.

I sigh and swing a little harder this time.

"You look depressed" I jolt in the seat and stop swinging. In front of me is a boy, around my age maybe. He has a rather comfy looking outfit on. A fluffy bomber like jacket, a scarf and a hat - he's smarter than me - I can see he's wearing sweatpants and runners.

"Wow I'm impressed" I replied sarcastically. He just laughed and took the seat beside me. Now if you were me in this situation, the correct thing to do is go with your gut instinct which was screaming at me to run away.

But I stay seated as he slowly swings himself on the swing beside mine. "What's a guy like you doing out in the middle of the night?"

"I could ask you the same thing" I looked down at my feet. Why was this guy so intrigued by me? Did he want a one night stand?

"I'm just going home from a rehearsal" He answered. Now I'm the one intrigued. "What do you do? Musicals?"

He laughed. "Dude, I'm not in high school" He sighs. "Okay... Yeah no, I do musicals" He admitted. I laugh and look at him. "I knew it!!"

"Do you want me to applaud you?" He teased and I just roll my eyes. This guy seems to match my energy. "You're probably too used to an applause" I smirk. He just laughs.

"And you? Why are you here?" He changed topic. I take a deep breath. "I guess... I just wanted to get a break from everything"

I can feel the judgement from the boy beside me. What's his issue now? "Did something happen?" He asked sounding genuinely concerned.

"I'm not telling you, I don't even know you" I glare. I felt more vulnerable with some stranger it was scary.

He shrugs. "You don't need to if you don't wanna, but I don't know you and you don't know me" He began. "So like... Wouldn't it be easier to tell me? I mean who am I gonna tell?" He looks at me and our eyes meet.

For some reason I trust him. I trust that this guy wouldn't actually give a shit what I say and that after I told him, he'd move on with his life not knowing me.

"I..."

"It's easier to tell someone you don't know about things you can't tell people you do know" He gives me a reassuring smile. "But it's cool if you don't want to"

I shake my head. "No.. I... I can talk about it..." I let out a sigh, untensing. "To be honest it'll probably do me good" I force a laugh.

The boy pats my shoulder. "Let it out bestie" He gives me a nod.

"I had a really shitty day" I begin. He hums "Off to a great start there bud" He lightly replies.

I go to tell him everything. From my bad mood, to the message from my dad - briefly saying I don't get on with him well - to the meeting with the principal, my suspension, Haeun, the whole outting me as gay.

"That's... That's a lot" He looks stunned to say the least. I nod my head sadly. "Yeah. It is" There's no need to lie about it, saying it could be worse just isn't it.

"Did you ever tell anyone you were gay?" He asked. I shake my head. "No, I did once but that didn't turn out so well and ever since that I told myself I wouldn't" I thought of Felix again, why I left him standing in the kitchen. I was scared of telling him anything about why I didn't want anyone to know.

"Then how did that guy know?" He furrows his brows trying to understand the whole situation.

"There's a whole other story on that" I suppress the urge to cry as I think back on that time of my life. I was glad that this guy didn't push the topic.

"Sounds shitty" He laughs. I had to laugh too, he was right. "My roommate tried to cheer me up with cookies" I add.

He hums excited. "I love cookies" He smiles. "But I ran away when he touched on a subject I didn't want to talk about without feeling sorry for myself" I wanted to punch myself in the face at this point. Why am I like this? Why do I runaway from my problems?

"And so you're here now" He concluded. I nod. "Yep" A sigh escapes my lips for the nth time today.

"That's a lot to put up with for one day" He hums as it looks like he's thinking back on everything I said. "Well done" He claps his hands.

I roll my eyes. "Please don't applaud this" I reply with fake disgust. He shrugs. "Do you have any issues?" I asked to not make him feel left out as if we were in some communal therapy.

He nods his head. "Yeah, we all do don't we?" Do we?

Felix seems to have it together, Hyunjin seems to have it together. Changbin, Chan hyung... Even Haeun had their lives together. Didn't they?

"I lied about the musical thing. I'm just a really bad dance teacher" He laughed as scratched the back of his head. "Like rapping and singing is my thing but when I suggested starting as a vocal coach I was turned down, the school I work with is rather... A dance school than a music school"

"On top of that I'm in university trying to pass by and pay back people I owe money to" He sighs. I was interested by the whole paying money to people he owed it to.

"I see" Now I thought about it. Others really did have their own things going on. Here I am feeling sorry for myself.

This boy had peeked my interest for real.

+. - +. - +. -

I hate ants :((