Deep End | Discontinued

don't fuck up Plan A

In the next two paragraphs there will be mentions of sewerslide.

"Because I needed to feel something. That's why I started. When I was with Sebastián , even though some nights he would leave me motionless on the kitchen floor, I didn't feel any of it. Not emotionally anyway. I shut it all off when I was 8. I couldn't do it anymore. The pain. The knowing that the only people that I had in my pathetic life hated me. The night I shut it off, I almost shut everything else off, too. I was only one step away. Literally. But then some random ass kid approached me and talked me off the ledge. I talked to him for a while. Just the two of us, sitting under the yellow lights of the highest bridge I could find. He told me his name was Luciano. Which, coincidentally, means light. He was 3 years older than me. When I was 13 and he was 16, he disappeared. That's when I started fighting. Because he made me feel something and when he left, I almost lost it. He was my lifeline and when that failed, I turned to fighting." I took a deep breath after I told him the thing that has been haunting me for years and turned my head, ashamed that I had given in so easily.

I never told anyone what happened with him. Haidyn knew that he was basically an older brother to me, but she never really met him. To everyone else, he was just a random face that disappeared one day. But to me, my whole world came crashing down.

Hiiiiiii. All the mentions are over. :)

Antonio was silent.

I looked back over at him to see tears slowly and soundlessly streaming down his face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that we weren't there for you." He leaned his head back against the head rest and cleared his throat.

"There's nothing you could have done." I consoled him.

He picked his head up and looked at me. "I wish I could believe that." He slightly smiled at me and then turned on the car and we pulled out onto the street. We got back to the house and he pulled into the garage. Before we got out, he turned again to look at me.

"Listen very closely. Here's the deal. Plan A. You are going to follow me very closely and copy my every move. I know which boards creak and which ones don't. Do you understand?"

I nodded. "Wait, what's plan B?" I asked curiously.

"Plan B is don't fuck up plan A. Do you copy?" He said very firmly.

I nodded again.

"Verbal response. We can't fuck this up. Got it?" He asked again.

"Yeah. Don't fuck up plan A. Got it." He slowly opened the door and got out. He looked at me and put his finger to his mouth. He shut the door just right so barely no sound came from it. He walked over to my side and opened the door, allowing me to get out. He did the same thing while closing my door. He slowly moved to the side entrance that led us inside to the right of the stairs.

I made sure that I stepped everywhere that he did and that I walked lightly.

It would make very awkward conversation if one of the other boys caught us sneaking into the house. We got up to our rooms and said a quiet and awkward goodnight.

I walked into my closet and changed into some comfy clothes.

I collapsed on my bed and immediately fell asleep.

Sneaking out of the house to go to an illegal fighting ring, getting caught by your older brother and both of you sneaking back into the house was exhausting.

But exhilarating.

I was soundly asleep within minutes.

"Why do you keep getting into fights? Huh? One of these day's you're going to end up getting arrested and I'm just going to let you fucking rot in jail." Sebastián's voice rang through my head in the car as we were driving back home from school. In the middle of the day. Because I may or may not have punched a girl in the face because she was talking bad about Haidyn.