SMELLING ROSES

Chapter Sixteen

TRIGGER WARNING: Brief mention of attempted s*icide. (The word is not said nor does the character go into detail on how it was done, but it is mentioned at the end of the chapter. You will see this (***) in the dialogue before it's mentioned.)

I could remember every little detail about my mother. Her smile, the way she hummed to herself in the wee hours of the morning. She could hug you so tight it would make your toes curl. The way she pulled her locks into a bun on the top of her head, and how her eyes looked in the sun were little things I loved. She had a nurturing smile, but couldn't compare to her contagious laugh. It could reach heights, and when she thought something was really funny, her eyes would fill up with tears. Before you knew it, you'd be laughing too.

How long would it take me to forget her? Would I remember her smell or her touch? There were things she did that no one else could. She left a spot only she could fill, and I guess I secretly thought she would return to it. But, in the end, hope was wasted on me too. When I returned home, she would be one step closer to being gone.

When I couldn't bear the thought, I went to my hideout. The heat from the shower clogged the air and the fan tried to keep it at bay. I could see the outline of my frame in the steamed mirror. It had been two hours. If it weren't for my subtle movements, Wren would've thought I was dead.

Turning my attention to the pile of chopped braids, I discarded the evidence of my summer hairstyle. The mirror cleared, revealing my reflection. It was easy to pretend my life was different when I didn't look like myself. But now, with my familiar mane of kinky coils, I was back to the same old me. Right now, I felt like there were two Noras. Summer Nora, and Real Nora, and I wasn't sure I liked the real version of me.

A ukulele chord sprung out from behind the door. One after another, he strummed until the melody formed. I shut the fan off. It was so quiet. He sat near the door. I pressed my ear into it as he sang, "I know what it's like to hate the silence, but I promise you're not alone."

He sang so quietly; I was afraid to breathe too loud. I didn't want to do anything to ruin it. "When your mind's against you, it points out everything wrong. But it's not you. And you don't deserve it."

He picked the ukulele strings, and when the last note rang out, I held my breath. "When the gray clouds settle and you see the sun again, know it doesn't shine because it has to. It shines because of you."

When I opened the door, he lifted himself up. He placed the ukulele onto the floor and I pulled him into a hug. "That song was beautiful."

"It got me my very first fan. This eight-year-old girl named Autumn. She found it online and said it made her feel like she wasn't alone. I didn't know I could do that, so I just...kinda, started making music from my heart." He chuckled, dropping his gaze. "As cheesy as it sounds."

"It's not cheesy." I pressed my hand into his shoulder. He looked up at me. Crossing his arms, his eyes said more than he thought.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. The song...just kinda reminds me of that time." He waved his hand and slid away from the door. "You okay? You were in there a while."

"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just taking out my hair. And I took my contacts out too. That's why my eyes are a little red." I put on my glasses and everything was clear again.

"You're lying," he said.

Turning away from him, I went for the television. The bedroom was practically the same size as the bathroom. Even if I wanted to hide, I couldn't. I wanted to throw myself under the covers and pretend the world no longer existed. Even though it was impossible, I'd try.