SMELLING ROSES

Chapter Eleven

The speed at which I got ready was laughable. I was running away from myself. From my thoughts. From the person, I'd become the second I wasn't in range of my family. Suddenly, I had a future. A big, wide, open field of possibilities, and it scared me. I didn't like choices. I worked better when things were laid out for me.

Anything unknown was too far out of my comfort zone. So, I ran. I didn't even hang up the phone before I was out the door. Running the scenic walk all the way to Valentina's right door, I panted.

I need to work out. Did one of my lungs collapse? I was so loud, Valentina heard me. She opened her door in a flash and I fumbled inside. Handing me a glass of water, she waited as I gulped it down.

"Thanks," I breathed.

I never imagined where I would live if I didn't live with my family. If I had to pick somewhere, it would be here. Valentina and Da-Bin lived together. Their place was small, but perfect for two. She must be a serial organizer. Everything had a place and a label to match. The living room had a gray and white theme. The gray sofa reminded me of a shag rug, and a white blanket hung off the shoulder. Their flat screen tv played a makeup tutorial on low.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," I mumbled.

"It's fine, Nora. We're friends. Trust me, when I'm going through, I hopr you to do the same for me."

She pulled me to the sofa. As I took a seat, she cut her sandwich in half.

"Mrs. Davidson left. I had to get out of there. I never realized, but I guess, I hate being alone."

"Codependency," she sighed.

Despite myself, I laughed. "I haven't even been living with her that long."

"Oh, not you and Mrs. Davidson," she waved her hand in the air. "I mean, you and your family."

I thought for a moment, but it didn't strike me as an accurate analysis. "I guess I don't really know what codependency means."

She leaned back into the sofa. "Well, what went through your mind when your dad kicked you out?"

Disbelief, anger...maybe rage? I never really thought about it. "I didn't think he could do something like that to me. I mean, he needs me." Even though he said he didn't.

"He needs you?" She perked her brow.

"Yes, they all do. My entire family would fall apart without me."

A smile carved into her lips, but I wasn't sure why. "What makes you so sure?" she asked.

"My family would fall apart because I do everything for them. Without me, they'd be lost."

She tilted her head, leaning in. "Are they falling apart?"

It never occurred to me. Maybe they wouldn't fall apart. It had almost been three weeks, and no one had checked in. Nothing had changed. The store hadn't caught on fire. No one got hurt or felt lost. It was just me.

"No," I cried.

"Aww..." she cooed, throwing her arms around me. "Why does that make you sad?"

This is what I wanted. I wanted my father to take on more responsibility and to show up for us, but why did it feel like I was losing? "Right before he kicked me out, he told me he didn't need me, I needed him. It was so cruel, but it's almost been a month. I thought he'd call by now, and the longer I wait for him, the more he seems right."

"It's okay," she shrugged. "You need your family more than they need you—"

"Do you really have to say it like that?"