Leave, Before You Love Me

Chapter Twenty-One

I dance euphorically around the kitchen the morning after my evening with Mason. I grab my favorite ceramic mug from the cupboard above the coffee maker and place it under the spout as the hot black liquid fills the cup.

My mother rushes into the kitchen and passes me her travel mug, hoping I will fill it with coffee before she heads off to work. My mother is notoriously late for work, always in a rush and panicking before she gets out of the house—every morning.

I laugh at her and ask if she wants creamer this morning; I hear an mhmm and grab her oat milk from the fridge. Stirring her coffee, I press the top to it and put it beside her phone, so she doesn't forget it in her morning rush.

"Ros, I'm going to invite David for supper this week." She says into the fridge. I watch as she pulls her lunch from the refrigerator and throws it in her bag, not making eye contact with me.

I inhale a deep breath and think about what she's asking of me—another man to meet. My mother knows how I feel about meeting her boyfriends. I worry Aria will get attached to him, and then he will be gone, just like the many others that came before him.

I roll my eyes and release the breath I hold; my eyes drop over her. My mother refuses to look at me, and I feel bad for feeling like I do. "Okay, what day?" I ask her.

She finally looks at me, and I see the surprise written all over her face. "Are you working on Thursday?"

"No, I'm free that night." I decide to use this moment to tell her, "The girls are taking me to Seattle for my birthday on Friday." I say, "I'll be gone all weekend." I hope my meeting her latest love interest will reduce the impact of me being unavailable to her all weekend.

"What are the girls planning?" She asks me, intrigued, "I hope it's something fun!" She smiles, and I look at her, an eyebrow raised, wondering what has changed in her. I had expected her to pout like a petulant child and make me feel terrible for going away with my friends; insisting she needed me to watch Aria and complain that my being gone for a three days was far too long.

"They haven't told me anything yet," I explain, "But we will be looking for a rental while we are there. Hopefully, we will get something affordable." I say, more to myself than to her.

"I know you're worried about this year, but Ros?" I look at her over my coffee mug, my eyebrows raised at her question, "Everything will be alright."

I fill my mouth and swallow the hot liquid, "Thanks, mom."

"If things get too difficult for you, Rosie, just let me know. I can help you out." She tells me, her eyes tearing up as she looks at me. "I'm proud of you, honey. You've grown up too fast!" She says as she throws her bag over her shoulder.

I swallow the emotions that her word's create in me. My relationship with my mother has always been a challenging one. Much different than my friend's relationships with their parents. I remember when Lilly came out to her parents and how great they were with her. They cried and held her while she laughed in their arms.

I have long believed I took on the parent role in our mother-daughter relationship. I have always been the one holding her when she was going through a rough time. She was why I stayed in Tacoma for my first year of college, or maybe it was my fault— I didn't think she could function well without me, and I worried about my mothers mental health and the affects it would have on Aria.

My mom reaches for the cover to her travel mug, and says, "You know you don't have to worry about Ari and me, right?" Her brows draw together in question, "We are going to be just fine, Rosie."

"I know, Mom," I ensure her. Unable to hold down the emotion I feel any longer, I wipe away the tears that begin to fall.

When she sees the tears, that's her cue to leave. She's never been one to feel compassionately towards others emotions. I'm actually surprised she hasn't told me to keep it together. "I'll let David know we will have him over on Thursday," She tells me, "I'll see you guys after work." She takes her phone, and her briefcase and heads out the door.