opening my door i give him a big hug and walk downstairs to smell some delicious food.
papa smiled at me "yeah honey i cooked today your momma is shopping right now" i nodded as he handed me a plate of scrambled eggs , sausage & grits.
as i dived into my food i was very dramatic eating it .
"omg papa the best thing ive ate in days , months even"
he chuckled "dont choke on your food now babygirl eat with your mouth closed"
he sat down at the table with his plate while pouring us some orange juice.
"thanks im so full right now"
"thats alright put your dishes in the sink and ill clean them up" he said while i got up placing them in the sink .
"im gonna go back upstairs to finish up some work " he nodded as i said that before jogging up the stairs.
getting back into my school work i decided to play some music to ease my tentions.
"hey siri play purple hearts by kendrick lamar"
siri dinged and said "now playing purple hearts by kendrick lamar on apple music"
i turned the song up some more and drowned into the lyrics , summers voice on this song was so sweet and tingly lol .
about 45 mins later....
yeah im done for today this school work was wearing me out. i paused the music and closed my laptop. i grabbed some snacks outta my mini fridge . grabbing my remote i turned on power the second book. tariq so mf fine and i dont even like boys no more. another thing i realized about myself ever since my ex men havent been interesting me at all..
i snuggled up against my blanket clutching my body pillow before i get a incoming facetime call from kenedy. now i dont want to answer but she doesnt exactly know why im mad at her so .
fuck it we ball.
"can i come over jyadia i was in the area ?" she asked me while driving and her phone being propped up on the dashboard.
"mhm yea my dads home though" i replied sleepily.
"bet omw" she said before hanging up.
a couple mins later my dad yelled up the stairs saying that she was here. she walked into my room taking her shoes off.
she jumped on to my bed placing her head on my back. i didnt know what to say but i had to ask her about last night it felt wrong if i didnt.
"so whos that girl you were with last night?" i started the convo .
"uh old friend why?" she asked looking at me
"well yall was real close so"
"and? i cant be close with my friends?" she continued trying to figure out what point i was making.
"like kissing , tongue kissing at that" i said started to get enraged by the fact that she was acting oblivious.
she got up staring at me "jyadia what the hell are you trying to say we were friends i was drunk we kissed what else?"
i got up too because her tone was starting to get louder. "in front of my face though? what does that say to people about us" i practically yelled. her face was obviously taken aback by the words.
"jyadia what do you mean what does that say about us ? it says that your too afraid to come out to your friends, it says that we arent dating it says that your only my qoute on qoute friend!" she started picking her jacket up.
"OKAY WE ARENT DATING BUT REALLY KENEDY? KISSING SOMEBODY IN MY FACE?" i started crying. yeah now the crybaby was coming out of me oh shit.
she scuffed "ion gotta prove shit to you hit me up when you wanna stop being a closeted dyke." she said before slapping my door
whew now i really had to compose myself i laid on my bed in rage fury and sadness. why then to call me stuff on top of that? makes me feel not important in the first place...
i opened my notes app using face id to unlock my locked notes. here i go writing down all my feelings and crying my heart out. i wrote everything down from reign, my parents amari and kenedy i spilled everything out that i was vulnerable about and stuff. me thinking i was healed i actually wasnt i still had a whole lot of shit from amari on my chest. my self worth was diminished i was closeted barely spoke to anyone and the one person i did bailed on me.
i miss it all my old self
my self i knew the same
self that wouldnt let this
slide the same self that
didnt feel like this all
the time 24/7
𝘩𝘦𝘺𝘺𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘭, 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦 & 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 🫶🏾
