Shadowhunters preferences

Alec's reaction to Jace's death

For a second, Alec's biggest worry were the demons that had so suddenly appeared and the problems of his personal life involving a warlock, who now stood by his side, wanting to hunt those demons just as bad as himself, to prevent more lives from being lost.

Yet he worried about his brother, who he had sent on a mission without consideration, because that was what they were born to do. Besides, as the head of the New York institute, he couldn't leave the room without inspiring doubt in the soldiers that lived here.

Therefore, he stayed, trying to figure out how to end the many demons in his city, while his parabatai was out there, fighting a whole war on his own. He felt guilty enough as it was but having the feeling as if everything could crumble around him was worth enough.

A loud gasp escaped from his mouth while his back betrayed him. His scarred fingers collided with the table where he stood, his eyes closing in agony as he felt the knife slice through his skin. But not his own, he realised to his surprise.
His lover looked up from whatever he had been doing, noticing how Alec's breath had quickened and his royal-pale skin had turned as white as the snow that fell in Idris, where two of the bravest hunters had gone to end the fight their people at started.

Alec's feet slipped from under his legs, his arms trying everything they could to remain standing. An even louder gasp rolled over his lips again, his innocent, sky-blue eyes opening again to be faced with his partner turning his head to his side. His sister had noticed how her brother's condition changed so suddenly. She didn't know what to do but to hold him tight or try to catch him as he fell.

The pain. That was the worst, by far. Not the lights of the institute suddenly burning in his eyes or the air vanishing from his lungs. The feeling as if his life was slowly slipping away and there was nothing he could do about it. Whenever he tried to reach out, his fingers would burn, whenever he let go, so would the rest of him.

"Alexander?" the warlock begged him, worry lacing his voice "you okay?"
He couldn't shift his brown eyes from his boyfriend, or ex at this moment. He tried stepping closer, slowly and patient, although from the inside he was screaming for help already.

The oldest Lightwood pressed his scarred fingers against his parabatai rune, his hands shaking as he felt the iron of the knife being removed from his skin. His gasps grew louder as panic struck him. He pushed the rune even harder, as if wanting it to stop burning his skin, to prevent it from killing him. Yet there was no stopping this. Not this time.

He felt a sudden coldness making his way up to his spine, as if he was laid on the icy grass he knew covered Lake Lyn. His breath hitched once more, his back arching because of the sudden frost biting its way through his skin, lowering his own temperature too.

He lifted his shirt up, exposing his already scarred and tattooed skin, the rune that connected him and Jace starting to glow and burn its way through his flesh, his gasps turning into sounds of agony as the pain never seemed stop. His often-peaceful eyes turning dark by the misery that suffocated him.

"His parabatai rune," Izzy commented. The lover's mouth fell open, realising what that meant. Although Alec knew it too, he couldn't get his mind to think about anything else but the burn coming from the rune that began to fade.

He wanted to scream, fall down and cry as loud as he could. But all his lips could say, was something they all feared. His eyes shut again in the torture that seemed to break him beyond repair until those words, those venomous, cursed words rolled over those lips the warlock adored.

"It's," was all he could say. His neck stiffened, making it impossible to look down as he had done so earlier, the pain making his head too heavy to bare. Instead, his eyes shot fire, his mouth fell open and his messy hair was not even as black as his day had turned.

He started to remember. That made his torment the worst. He could feel the blond slipping away, and everything he could was remember the time they had spent together, the days they had laughed, the days they had cried on each other's shoulders, only those flashed of happiness was what kept him from falling down.

How they first met. That had been a story he always held close to his heart. The way he missed his future parabatai just by an inch. Sometimes, now, he could snap his neck for the stupid things he did, but he was so happy and glad that he didn't, that he hadn't done so at the young age the boys paths crossed.

"Jace," the one name that just fought his way through his mouth so it could hang in the air and make everyone stop with what they were doing. His eyes closed again, not being able to remember that many of things and feel the very man he remembered die. He couldn't hold back anymore, he refused to do so. Everyone was allowed to see him like this, he didn't care, just this once, what others would think. Not when it came to his brother's life, not when it came to Jace, the very Jace he had sworn to protect.

He screamed, his eyes now feeling as if they could never open again. The sound that came from his lungs, was anything but human. It was the sound that held every memory, every day they had been together, all the agony they had been through, all the fights they had fought, the weight of all the secrets they've told and the tears they've shed.

It was that one scream, which told the story of Alec and Jace. The story of loses, the story of happiness and delight, the story of unhealed wounds and days that made it seem as if the sun didn't exist. It was the adventure of two lost boys, who had found each other, together. As they always did.

He could picture it, in front of his crystal eyes. Their parabatai-ceremony. He almost didn't show, afraid that since he had fallen in love with the blond, he could never get him if they were parabatai. But he didn't want to leave the hunter alone either. So eventually, he showed up. He was so proud after their ceremony he had almost forgotten the secret he bore, hidden deep inside his heart.

His knee betrayed him, falling onto the cold stones of the institute as if he had been hit by an enemy's arrow. It was almost funny, the way he has bound to go down was the way he made so many people do. And now it was his time to feel how those people felt.

His fingers tried to hold on for dear life, clenching something that wasn't dare to begin with. He tried so hard to stay standing, but his body had grown as heavy as if he had made a jump into the dark, deep water which they had seen taking the bodies of the souls they ripped from it.

He caught himself with his other hand, while his second leg pulled him down too. Before he even realised, he was on the ground, everything that was making sure he didn't fall was his strong, lethal hand. But he knew it would collapse, sooner than later.

He screamed yet again, another scream filled with their lives. Even the killers that had never met him before, realised that the one who had died on the battlefield, meant a great deal to the head of the institute and holder of the Lightwood's family name.

Magnus Bane, the warlock he had taught him to love, who had shown him that he could be free and himself even though he was a hunter, held him tight, not wanting his lover to hit the ground. He was feeling enough agony already, he didn't want him to have any more of it.

Magnus Bane. Alec's boyfriend, the very one who saved his life, even though they weren't dating back then. The one who let a whole group of shadowhunters in his house because of one boy, one man. The very man that lay here, broken in his arms.

He saw the day that they had requested his help when Alec had tried to find his brother, by putting his own life at risk. The moment where he thought the poor boy had died. He remembered his heart breaking, although he had no future and almost no memories with the man.

Just because that very archer had allowed to give his life, in order to save his best friend. In a heartbeat, which he no longer had. It was strange, how life seemed to change whenever it wanted to. It was almost frightening how it shifted at its own will.

Just as Jace's life had done. One day, he was the tough, unbeatable man that no one dared to challenge and the other day, he was ready to break at the very mentioning of a certain name. It had been heavy for him, yet at last, he had finally said those three important words to the one he loved most.

Alec's howl, almost that of a man who knew he wouldn't survive, echoed through the building he lay in. His voice was unsteady and he knew that anyone who came walking in could never get the image of him crying for his brother, out of their heads.

For a fact, that is, his brother was way worse off, but it seemed as if when life seems to fade away, it takes your voice along with it, making it impossible for you to scream, but it grants you those few seconds in which you say what you have wanted to say for so long.

It was cruel, Alec thought. On your very last moment, with the very last person, you still have to worry about all the things you have done wrong, all the people you treated in a bad way and all the people you might offended. If it would've been another situation, he would chuckle softly to himself. If it were true, they would have to grant Jace quite a lot of seconds to excuse himself for all his deeds.

His breath had grown loud and fast, his hand pushed harshly against the rune. He could feel his parabatai slipping away, unable to reach him, all he could do was wait, until the part of his soul that was connected with him, would die too, together with the daring man that had given everything he had to fight Valentine and stop the Downworld from being erased.

He wanted to curl up into a ball, his knees moving closer to his chest as his head hung low, his neck not strong enough to hold it high, no pride left to make him do that. All he did was gasp and cry out for him, the man he knew better than anyone.

The warlock and the shadowhunter looked at each other while it dawned on them what happened. Young Isabelle had heard about tales were a parabatai died, but never had she seen it upfront, and after that day, she was sure she never wanted to see it again.

He pulled his shirt up once more, his blue eyes staring at the tattoo, or at least the thing many mundanes expected to be a tattoo. Before he even realised, it faded, until his pale skin was showable from underneath it, a spot of flesh he hadn't seen in years.

The frown he was known for stood dark on his face, as he lost one of the few persons he had refused to lose. But he was the one who sent him into battle, the one who let him leave without anyone trained enough to protect him. Only Clary went with, which was a mistake.

Although Jace said he would go. He wanted it, but if he had known he would die, Alec wasn't so sure if he would've gone at all. If he would have given his life for millions of people. It was something he supposed Jace would do without thinking twice, but the pain he felt, the agony of his brother dying, was something he didn't want to feel. Ever again. Not if he could take his place.

"I can't feel him," he spoke, his arm now finally giving up. He fell almost completely to the floor, only keeping high by resting on his elbow, fear, worry and torment on his face and in his normally so peaceful blue eyes. He swallowed down the pride he had felt earlier, for closing the demon's layer, the hollowness eating away from his soul, because there was this enormous gab in it, the gab that his brother had once filled.

"He's dead," he finally confessed out loud, his breath trying to come back to a steady paste. His heart was trying to fathom what happened while his brain knew exactly what had gone, what had left him. Better said, who was never going to return to him and have his back.

There was this sudden emptiness that made him fear himself, because he knew he would do anything to fill that space up. He would kill, torture and slaughter a whole family if that was what it took to get Jace back. Everything, just for that one person. It made him anxious about what he would do tomorrow. His life had changed in nothing but a minute, and not for the better.

He let out his breath, feeling as if it was his last. He could feel his heart beat as one, not having the other side of his brother beating with him. He let his body turn limp, as he rested inside the arms of the one he loved the most, not crying, but feeling hollow and naked because the one who shield him was gone forever.

He had no idea how to get through the day without his brother, without having to worry about all the stupid things he did and having to constantly look after him because he was too busy looking after his girlfriend. He didn't know if he could just sit on his chair and be the head of the institute without those golden eyes silently judging him.

He wasn't going to give up, for sure. But he knew it wasn't going to be easy. He would fight with everything. Even if that meant losing a part of himself, just to hold on to the memories of his brother, and the part that had found its way into his daily routine.

They joy he felt when he saw his parabatai, his Jace, sitting on the grass with Clary in his arms, was indescribable. He felt all the pieces click back together and everything felt good again, everything felt as if Jace had never died. And for a second, Alec forgot that he had.

The first thing he wanted to do was hug his brother, something everyone would have done. He longed to bury his tired head in the man's neck and find a smile on his face, wider than it had ever been and more, his heavy eyes closing for a second as he wrapped his strong arms around that small chest. That was all e asked for.

"Jace, I, I thought you were dead," he whispered as he glanced at the hunter, not knowing why he hadn't hugged him already. He felt relieved when those mischievous golden eyes glanced up at him, knowing that it was over. They had won, and so had he. Because just this once, no one died.

"Our rune, it disappeared," he stated, still afraid that it was some demonic joke, that some demon up above was watching from the sky and laughing at how stupid he was to believe that what he had felt, wasn't the death of his brother. Though he needed to believe it, because he didn't want a life without Jace.

"Look at it now," Jace assured him. The blue-eyed boy's confused glare was everything to the man. So, when he picked up his shirt only to reveal their rune back on his pale skin, the joy that crossed his face was as though someone had granted him a miracle. But what he didn't know is, that someone had.

"How?" he demanded. He wanted nothing more than to hold his brother and never let go, but he couldn't act as if nothing happened, as if he hadn't felt his parabatai earlier. He couldn't turn away and forget about the evening he thought he had lost everything, and yet won the war.

"I don't know," the more angel blood possessing killer nodded his head as a no. The redhead looked as if she was about to speak, but Alec didn't pay her any attention. He couldn't shift his eyes away from his stupid yet brave parabatai.

The whole group turned around to look at the body of Valentine Morgenstern, the one who had started the whole war just because of his hatred against Downworlders or anything alike. That one, fanatic man was the reason behind all the bloodshed.

The teenagers that had lost his mind, the man who had experimented on his very children and the child of his friend, the one who cared more about power than family, started this. And now it had finally come to an end, without anyone getting hurt.

'It's over," Alec realised, before he approached his brother for their long-dreaded hug.

"Yeah," Jace whispered as he came closer to hold his brother tight. Alec hugged the hunter. The blond hugged back, his breathing still unstable but good enough for the oldest Lightwood. He felt one traitor tear of happiness run down his cheek, unsure if he wanted to show his feelings or not.

They had been on the winning side, not the Seelies, not de demons, they. Today. The day that had turned grey as if rain had poured upon it, but after the rain was always sunshine, this moment being the best prove of that fact.

They had won.