The show must go on

Chapter 17 - facing reality

"It's been better," I say with a laugh.

"Are you in pain?" she follows up and I just nod slightly, whereupon she jumps up, digs something out of her bag and then thrusts a packet of pills into my hand. I examine the packet for a moment, unsure whether I should really take any after what happened last time.

"The doctor said they are completely harmless, so don't worry," she says quickly, as if she can read my mind. So I trust her and swallow one.

The rehearsal went surprisingly well. For the first time in weeks, I wasn't the most tired person in the studio. Perrie could barely keep her eyes open after the first few rounds and yawned countless times. Although I felt bad because I was kind of the reason why she didn't sleep, on the other hand it took the focus off of me for once, which I was grateful for. At least for today. When the dancers found out that I had actually broken my hand, they were very understanding and sympathetic at first, until they realised it also meant that the choreo had to be adjusted a bit. As a result, today's rehearsal went much longer than initially expected, the plan of hand microphones was changed to head microphones, as I can't hold anything with the cast. My costume also had to be adjusted, as I was originally supposed to wear tight gloves.

In the meantime, two representatives from the label came to the studio and wanted to talk to me and Perrie, which made my heart drop. I knew exactly what they wanted to discuss. We had a similar conversation years ago. But to my surprise, Sam jumped into the breach and told the reps to leave us alone so we could rehearse for the Brits. She stressed the importance of this performance several times and the two men actually left, albeit reluctantly.

At the end of the day, everything worked out amazingly well and to my own shock, even my body cooperated. I seem to have survived the pneumonia. The cast did interfere with some movements, but the pills did a good job of containing the pain. Of course I was tired, but gradually I got used to this condition and have almost hope that from now on everything will be normal again at rehearsals and performances. Until Perrie brings me back to reality.

"Seven am sharp tomorrow," Claude says to the group as we all pack our bags, all sweaty and exhausted.

"Oh, Jade and I will be late. I'm sorry. We have an appointment in the morning," she quickly clarifies, which earns a few questioning faces, including mine, until I remember. Tomorrow is the appointment I dreaded. Tomorrow this nightmare becomes reality. Tomorrow everything will change.

Perrie POV

I've never had trouble falling asleep before. My sleep is sacred to me. I usually sleep like a baby as soon as I put my head on the pillow and hardly anything can wake me up. No matter how negative my thoughts are, they have never stopped me from sleeping soundly. But tonight I couldn't get any rest. Although I didn't sleep a wink the night before and I'm actually completely exhausted, I can't fall asleep. My mind is going crazy. I am afraid of the appointment tomorrow, afraid of what will happen afterwards.

Since the diagnosis, the disease has loomed over us like a shadow, but we've both been able to suppress it well so far. But with the appointment awaiting us in the morning, we can no longer ignore it. Reality has caught up with us. Tomorrow we will discuss the treatment plan with Jade's doctor. And I don't know how to deal with all this. How do you react when the love of your life is terminally ill? I want to be there for her, to get through this nightmare together with her, but I also know that it will be incredibly hard. I am determined to put her completely above myself and my own needs, but I am very sure that Jade won't let that happen. There are hard days and difficult discussions ahead of us, of that I'm sure.