why cant i hate you - victoria de angelis

ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇ

🇯 🇻 🇳 🇪 - 2022

i woke up from a much needed sleep, after last night's activities i doubted waking up early would do any good.

my arms reach to the side of the bed, expecting her to be there. ofcourse she wasn't.
i open my eyes and look around the room, i don't remember where i am before i realize its vics room.

i must have forgotten that because i was half drunk, hopefully nobody walked in on us.

our relationship is complicated.

the victoria she used to be when we were actually together was a lot more loving than the person she is now.

her arm wrapped around me and holding me close while i wake up has become a rare sight.
i know this isn't good for any of us, my mind has been fucking with me.

i just cant stop thinking of her, and neither can i stop loving her.

i gather my clothing from the floor, i couldn't find my black bra anywhere though

fuck me

i grab what i assume is vics bra and put it on, it fits me fine so. my mind is screaming at the fact im wearing her clothes again, i hadn't done that in a long time.

walking out of the room on my tippy toes i made sure nobody would see me, some people stayed over but they were all passed out on the couch.

two quiet voices came from the kitchen but i quickly make my way to the front door.

"you can't keep messing around with her like that vic, i love you but she's like a sister to me too", i heard damiano his voice through the thin walls.

he is protective as always, though it's hard. dami and i have known each other for a long time but so has he known vic, it's a battle for him to keep choosing between us. so he doesn't, he never picks a side.

"i know, it was just a mistake", i hear vic her raspy voice, that hurt. shes lying right, she wouldn't think that of us..

or maybe it is true, we always do stupid things but i never regretted any of them. i feel anger building up in me and it quickly turns into sadness.

i keep standing at the door, waiting for her to tell more. my body is telling me to go away but my mind is forcing me to stay.

before i know it it's quiet again, i am about to leave until i hear footsteps approaching again.
there she is standing in front of me again, surprised to see me at the door.

the way she looks at me makes me want to cry, it's as if she doesn't actually see anything in me anymore.

i wipe the lost tear on my face with my hand, i only now realize i was crying. by the look on vic her face she most likely realized i heard her, but it was already too late.

i quickly turn around and close the door behind me, leaving the apartment as fast as i can.

she makes me so upset at times but i still can't stop thinking of her, why can't i just hate her.