Chapter 18
Firs in Last
Pareho kaming tahimik na nakatitig sa puntod sa paanan namin.
In Loving Memory Of
Sebastian S. Sorilla
Born: May 19, 1975
Died: January 14, 2006
Kinuha ko mula sa supot ang bulaklak at ipinatong doon.
"Can I be alone for a sec?" I asked without looking at him.
"Maghihintay ako sa sasakyan." maamo niyang sagot.
When I was sure he was not aroud anymore, I harshly squatted on my feet. I don't have the urge to say what I want anymore because of what happened half an hour ago. I don't even wanna face Papa in a state like this.
"Pa, hindi na kita paplastikin. Alam mo naman kapag totoong masaya talaga ako o hindi."
"I am really in a bad, bad mood right now, Papa. Also, please do me a favor in case you know why I am. Don't ghost him." I chuckled.
"I really think you know why I am here, but still, just let me tell you."
"I guess, I could say...hmm... I'm a model now?"
"Well, today was my first gig shoot but, I am still a model." I stuck my tounge out on his grave.
"I am already fantasizing me being one of the highest paids..." humalakhak ako. "Sana lang matupad." mainit akong ngumiti. Unti unti yatang bumalik ang sigla ko habang kinakausap siya.
I was quite for a moment after that. I'm still regretting, Papa. But somehow, I don't really blame Mama anymore. I just keep on blaming myself.
"I'm sorry, Pa. I'm sorry that I'm sorry but I don't think I will ever be not sorry to you for the rest of my life."
"Love you, Pa. Take care in heaven. Loveyou-loveyou!" I blew a kiss to his grave before standing up.
Naglakad ako papunta sa sasakyan ni Jiran. Nang mamataan niya ako ay agad siyang lumabas.
I took a glimpse of the sky behind him. The sun was already setting and the scenery made it look like he was such in a high saturated photo.
Para akong nauubusan ng hininga kapag tinittigan ko ang mukha niya, parang kusa kong nakakalimutan ang nangyari kanina. Heos fair skinned with very, very intense features.
I sighed before nearing him. I don't know why but I feel that I have to explain to him whether I like it or not.
"About earlier..." panimula ko.
He suddenly pulled me into a tight hug and gasped hardly. "I'm sorry..." he breathed on my nape.
Napapikit ako at biglang nanghina sa sobrang komportable ng dibdib at yakap niya. But instead of crying because of the comfort I'm feeling, I felt light. So light that I felt like a feather that'll fly wherever the wind will blow me.
I want to capture this very moment right now and I swear to God, I could stare at it all day. Sinandal ko ang noo ko sa dibdib niya pero nanatiling nasa gilid ko ang aking mga kamay.
"I am not a liar, Jiran. I don't care if you'll believe me this or not, but I am not a liar. I can be as much as a flirt as I like but I won't itch to enter in a relationship, if I don't genuinely love a person," I said all that with my heart carrying nothing.
" I believe you, I'm sory. Sorry..." paulit-ulit niyang sabi at hinalikan ang ulo ko.
His next move, was to cup my chin and kiss my lips.
Sa sobrang gulat ko ay literal ko talagang naramdaman ang pagbagal ng uso ko bago ito biglang lumakas at bumilis.
"I want to be your boyfriend...please." he whispered and kissed me again!
Tuluyan nang tumindig ang balahibo ko at pinilit kong magkaroon ng lakas para maitulak siya. Hinihngal pa ako pagkatapos kong magtagupay na gawin 'yon. "Nababaliw..." hinihingal kong utas. "ka na ba..."
My body temperature fell 0 degrees when I saw mixed emotions in his eyes. It was like fear, hopelessness, desperation and sadness.
Hindi ko maintindihan ang huling emosyon, dahil ni hindi ko siya nakitang ganon kalungkot kahit halos araw-araw na kaming magkita. Imposible ring parang pinagsakluban na siya ng langit a lupa dahil lang sa sinabi ko.
Unless... He managed to hide it, very flawlessly.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
He forcefully closed his eyes and bowed his head down. "I'm sorry."
"No, Jiran. Anong problema?"
He raised his head and looked into my eyes. Gone the emotions I saw a very while ago.
"I will wait. Patiently. I'm sorry for being abastard earlier and just now. I never meant to rush you... I'm sorry..."
"This is the third and will be the last I will ask you what's wrong, Jiran. You know exactly what I'm asking so please, do not act idiotic."
Tumitig lang siya sa akin. Ilang minuto na ang nagdaan pero hindi parin siya nagsasalita.
"If you finally tell me what is bothering you right now, only then will you hear the answer of what you pleaded. I don' t want aboyfriend who's mind is already clouded while we're just starting." I said that coldly, but found myself hugging him afterwards.
Binigay ko sa kanya ang pang apat na shopping bag ngayong araw.
" I think that will be the last, " I said.
I used the very first money I earned in my life to shop, well...for the lasr time this year. thhis is also the first I shopped using my own money. Kayaot sa mga hindi gaanong mamahaling brand ako bumili dahil mas maliit pa sa allowance ko sa isang buwan ang kinita ko noong isang araw. Plus, I saved the last couple thousand.
"You wanna still shop after this?" he asked wit the tone that if I say yes, he'll be the one to pay.
Umirap ako. Muntikan na ngang siya ang magbayad ng mga pinamili ko, kung hindi ko lang siya tinakot at pinahintay lang sa labas.
"It's okay. You get to pay for our lunch. Just stop weeping..." I dramatically said and tapped his shoulders.
Hinigit niya ang bewang ko at naglakad papunta sa parking lot.
We ate in a French restaurant. Bumawi talaga siuro siya sa hindi pagbayad sa mga pinamili ko kanina. This is the most expensive French restaurant in the city, I know.
At nang oras na isinerve ang dessert ay may ideyang agad pumasok sa isip ko.
"Hmm... You know, I could bake you something for your birthday. January 7, right?"
Muli ko nanamang nakita ang kislap ng lungkot sa mga mata niya, binabalik ako sa nangyari dalawang araw palang ang nakalipas. Pero aad din 'yong nawala. Napalitan ang mga mata niya ng kapilyuhan.
"You didn' t stalk my facebook profile, no?" he smirked devilishly.
Awtomatikong umikot ang mga mata ko. "Yeah. Sobrang big deal." sarkastiko kong anas.
ČTEŠ
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