A Court of Golden Shadow || Elain x Azriel

Chapter 21 - The Next Lady of Autumn

The Shadowsinger felt his shoulders droop slightly as he turned away from his family, his eyes looking out over Helion's vineyards.

Because last night, on Calanmai, Azriel had been the happiest male in all of Prythian. He had finally he tasted Elain; throwing her into ecstasy, her impossibly perfect body completely surrendered to him. It was better than anything he had ever fantasized about, anything he had ever imagined, pushing into him, moaning his name, and pulling at his hair. It was pure bliss.

And it was never going to happen again.

And that fact alone had brought his entire world crashing to the ground.

Because she had said that they could never do it again. And it was killing him to be forbidden from the only damn thing he wanted in this gods-forsaken universe: her. Not just her body, or her pleasure, but her very soul. Her heart, her future, her time, her attention and affection, and every single fucking piece of her. He wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything in his five hundred years.

But it would not be.

Turning toward Rhys, he allowed his mask to falter slightly, showing his High Lord a sliver of his grief-stricken soul. "Elain has refused a future with anyone other than Lucien." Azriel's voice was a dark whisper, his pain cascading over the faces of his family.

Bowing slightly, he dismissed himself from the meeting, stepping through the curtained archway, he stretched his wings and launched into the heavens.

ﾟ☆: *.☽ ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Elain sat still, almost unearthly still, gazing out across the river toward the Pegasi grazing in the field. Holding a cup of mint tea, she listened to her sisters, their chattering floating around her and echoing across the river.

"He chucked her to the ground" Nesta growled. "She could have seriously hurt herself! It was marble for Cauldron's sake."

"I think rage just overtook him, seeing Azriel holding her like that, maybe he felt..." Feyre argued back as Elain felt a wave of guilt course through her body.

"So seeing your mate in the arms of another gives you the right to hurt them? Become violent?" Nesta spat back.

"That's not what I meant Nes. You know how powerful the bond is. It feels like something outside your own body at times. And Azriel..."

Elain's ears peaked at Feyre's tone, her paranoia playing out in front of her, waiting for her sister to reveal her dirty secrets; to announce to the whole Day Court that Elain was a cheating tramp and it was all her fault that Lucien felt protective: because there was damn good REASON for him to be. Because she couldn't control her fae body around the Shadowsinger, Lucien probably sensed it. He probably already knew it.

The paranoid dark thoughts cascaded over her, washing her in guilt, building and cutting into her psyche as a final whisper filled her mind, parading and taunting her: she felt she deserved for her mate to throw her into that marble.

"I think instinct just took over, and he lashed out. It's not like Lucien MEANT for her to fall." Feyre sounded exasperated.

Nesta stopped pacing the stonewalkway, landing beside Elain, a hand on her sister's shoulder. "I don't want to have to worry that she is going to be thrown around or worse next time that princeling gets angry about something. You've seen his father. What if he gets into the customs of the Autumn Court and our SISTER becomes the next Lady of Autumn. Like father like son—"

"Beron is not Lucien's father" Feyre snapped back at Nesta, heat entering her voice. "He's a good male. He just.." Her voice trailed off, as Feyre turned to face her sisters, who had become very still, the only noise coming from the babbling river and the whinnying Pegasi.

"Beron is not Lucian's father?" Elain repeated quietly.

"No, well, yes, but no, he's not his biological father... it's just a hunch, and..."

The shocking revelation hit Elain like a glass of cold water. So Lucien was not the product of a mating bond; the bond he held so sacredly.

"Who is his true father?" Nesta's voice cut through the shocked silence.

"Helion." Feyre answered quietly, drawing her hand to her brow, and rubbing her eyes.

Elain looked out across the Pegasi pasture, her mind roiling. So Lucien's mated mother had a lover, even bearing a son out of the affair, while her violent mate was none the wiser. She felt a sick feeling creep up her stomach as she realized she was already dangerously close to the exact future Nesta had just predicted.

Because even though Calanmai Elain, fresh from almost drowning in the river Elain, rejected on the dance floor Elain... even though those versions of Elain had decided to be reckless, to be selfish, deliriously sexual and unthinking... current, sober, daytime Elain was drenched in the most unimaginable guilt she had ever experienced. And making matters worse, she could not stop her mind from envisioning the red-haired fae female.

Perhaps it would be better if she rejected the mating bond altogether. If she remained chaste, and single, and went back to Velaris to live out the rest of her life in total... but the thought dissolved in her mind.

Because Lucien would indeed suffer if she rejected the bond, and now that she had nowhere to turn, not even the desperate clinging hope of the Shadowsinger who would be mated to some beautiful redhead any day now... it was pointless. Lucien had raged at the mere sight of Azriel holding her, and she could not imagine the disastrous clash that would occur if he found out what she had let him do to her under the Calanmai moonlight.

The sickness and guilt began to rise again, threatening to spill into her throat as she turned to her sisters.

"I will continue my courtship." She said quietly, Nesta's mouth falling open as Feyre grimaced. "I just need to speak with him, maybe hear an apology, and then we can put this behind us."

"Elain, you've got to think this through. Remember Tomas? And what Tamlin did to Feyre?" Nesta's voice was sharp, pleading with her sister, though her eyes were gentle and brows creased.

"Lucien is no Tomas, Nes. You know that. And you also know that he may have reason to feel territorial around Azriel." She lifted her pinky to her sister, wiggling the tattoo.

Feyre came toward Elain, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I really think it is out of his character to behave like that." She whispered.

"Yes. Now, on the topic of Koschei..." Elain took Feyre's hand, pivoting the subject. "I would feel more comfortable with some protection as we wait to see what happens with my visions. I want Azriel to stay with me here in Patras."

Feyre's eyes shot to Elain's before her head swiveled toward Nesta. Elain watched her sisters, as a ball of emotion crept up her throat.

Over the past year, she had never seen them happier. Her mated sisters were so hopelessly in love, that they had transformed into the absolute best versions of themselves. And Elain had seen how happy her brother-in-laws were as well; Rhys finding true love after five hundred years, and Cassian, so recklessly spent for Nesta, his world was complete.

And Elain wanted that for Azriel; that fierce, world-completing love. She wanted him to step into the beauty of the mating bond as his brothers had, to find true completion and joy. He deserved it.

Squaring her shoulders, Elain faced her sisters.

"Azriel has experience with Koschei, which would be comforting as we wait for more visions." Feyre nodded at Elain's remark, turning to leave to tell the rest of the Inner Circle, but Elain raised her hand, motioning for her sister to wait a moment.

"But I also think that it would be nice to change up my typical chaperones, maybe even having some other fae who can offer protection as well" Elain's voice lowered.

It was time.

She had taken her forbidden moments with Azriel, in the gardens, the alcove, and under the glowing Calanmai moon. But now it was time for her to release him to his true future. The flashing red hair danced before Elain's eyes as she felt a hot tear heaving on her lower lid.

"Please send the Valkyries as well. Send Gwynneth Berdara."