The Sound Of Heart (2021) | Completed

29 | we both ran away

"Nov 06

So this is a brief writing about my new radio partner. His name is Taehyung but he likes to go by V. I don't know why he likes that nickname, but somehow it correlates with his personality. Other people might find him weird, or quirky but I myself find him quite interesting. Well, in a good way up to now. He often eats my chocolate, he spits nonsense joke, his actions are usually unpredictable. But he told me not to feel guilty about things outside my control. He shows me a nice place to see the city skyline. And he even got beaten by me just because he wanted to make sure I was safe. He might be a bit annoying sometimes but having him around is like adding an upbeat rhymth to the laid-back and slow song of my life."

○●○

    "If I let you drive me home, does it mean I lead you on?"

I asked him an honest question. But the honesty didn't tell me to hold my gaze at him, so I just darted my eyes to the ground after asking him. I could see snow scattering on the ground.

Should I just tell him to go inside?

No, his car is even nearer than the main lobby.

     "What makes you think so?"

Taehyung asked back. His husky voice was calm, no hint of excitement nor disappointment could be found.

     "Erm. . . I just think it might be unfair for you."

I tried my best to explain to him. I didn't know why I was having a conversation outside and in a snowing weather, but if I didn't tell him today, I might keep on being selfish with him, only taking his good will for granted.

New Year for a braver me, didn't Hyojin said so?

     "Now that you're beating around the bush, Wheein-ssi."

Taehyung commented and I abruptedly said, with another really loud "Erm."

     "Erm. . ." - I then gulped, eyes darting uncontrollably. - "I. . . Just. . . Well, I still have fun with you but. . . I. . . Erm. . . Let's say. . . "

     ". . . That it's not the right time?"

It was his turn to interrupted and I confirmed with a nod. Immediately. Thanks God he was so good at reading between the lines.

     "Yeah" - I secretly let out a sigh, hoping the dim light at the parking lot wouldn't reveal myself - "I just don't think I'm ready now."

     "So what's the unfairness for me then?"

     "I'm afraid that I would send the wrong signal and I would take what I don't deserve from you."

Taehyung suddenly laughed. Was there anything funny in my words? Then the sound of car lock opening caught my ears and I looked up, the rear light from a nearby car was flashing. It must be his car.

     "Just do anything you feel like doing with me." - Taehyung said, swinging this key chain on his left index finger as if he was hypnotizing me by its continuous movement in circle. - "Don't avoid me or do something for my sake. Or else, I would get even guiltier because I was too hasty."

He appeared to be totally cool. But it just gave me even more uneasiness. I was prepared for things like "Fine, I'll get lost, you go your way." or "Just act as if we don't know each other then." yet he told me not to feel guilty.

How should I react to this?

Retreating to my old shell and assuming that he let me make my choice, which would be to avoiding him?