What We Take Away

Chapter 33 | Cassie

The three of us fall silent. Sabrina gets up and fetches a glass of water for me, while Ranjit sits with his arms folded across his chest, deep in thought.

Fortunately, the Pelican is quite empty in the middle of the afternoon. My friends are the only ones to have witnessed my breakdown. Sniffling, I drink the water from Sabrina, feeling tired but more clearheaded now that I've relinquished a great burden.

After awhile, Ranjit speaks.

"I know what it feels like to want to prove yourself to your dad."

His smile is somber and sad.

"There's nothing I want more than to hear my dad tell me he's proud of how far I've come," Ranjit says. "But he's gone. I'll never get that validation, and it fucking hurts."

He holds my gaze.

"My dad was rough around the edges, just like yours. As a kid, I never felt good enough for him. But I know that if he were alive today, he'd be proud of me, even if I chose not to follow his footsteps. I don't think this is what your dad would want for you, Cass," Ranjit says softly. "Even though his words hurt, I think your dad would want you to live. I know that's what my dad would want for me."

His words are a gentle rainfall, light and restorative like a balm.

Ba's idea of a good life was to take a great risk and move to a new country for a better future. Perhaps it's my turn to take a great risk, even if there is no guarantee of success.

A cascade of thoughts begin to click in my head, igniting a flicker of wild hope. Suddenly, I stand.

"I... I need to go somewhere," I announce. "Right now. I need to go."

"Wait, where are you going?" Ranjit stammers, confused.

"I'm so sorry, I can't explain -- I just need to go!"

I climb over Sabrina and clamber out of the booth, a sense of urgency gripping my heart.

"What about your stuff?!" Sabrina yells after me.

"Leave it!" I call over my shoulder. "I'll be back!"

I race through Pelican and push through the front doors. The not-yet spring breeze is chilly but not terrible, spurring me onward as I dash across campus.

This is a half-baked, crazy idea, I think deliriously as my feet pound the concrete pavers. But I have nothing left to lose, and for once in my life I am making a decision with my heart and not my head.

God, I hope I'm not too late.

I run until I reach the Round, now green with the promise of soft summer grass and speckled with yellow daffodils. Sprinting towards Crane Recital Hall, I loop up the familiar stairs and burst into the atrium, searching frantically for the directory.

Once I find what I'm looking for, I hurry up another flight of stairs to the second floor. I pass several offices and finally find the right door.

My heart slams against my chest as I knock once, twice, three times.

"Come!"

Dr. McLeish smiles brightly at me when I enter her office nook. She wears a light pink cardigan today with a jean skirt. Scores of musical compositions litter her desk, where a tiny Scotland flag waves next to a massive carafe of tea.

"Dr. McLeish," I say breathlessly, my legs cramping from running so hard. "I'd like to audition to the music program. I want to be a music major."

Her smile stretches into a full grin, and she motions to the tufted leather lounge chair across her desk.