What We Take Away

Chapter 32 | Aram

March 11th, 2006

"Cassie, Baby please -- I'm sorry," I say hoarsely into the receiver. "You just... you just made me so mad, you know? I messed up last night. I really messed up. You gotta understand what it's been like for me these past few months... I just thought you'd be more mature about everything and cut me some slack--"

Beep.

Cursing, I redial her number, needing to tell her everything. The line rings four times, and I'm once again directed to her voicemail.

[It's Cassie, leave a message!]

"Please, please, please pick up the phone. Why are you treating me like this? Why are you doing this to us? You can't ignore me forever. What happened last night... last night I wasn't myself. It's... it's been a lot, okay? I've been trying to find a job, trying to plan for our future together. You don't understand the pressure I've been dealing with. I thought you'd understand. Please just call me--"

Beep.

"Goddamnit!" I yell.

I pace around my room with frustration, feeling crazed and out of control. Why won't she pick up my calls?!

I dial again, punching in her number on the keypad forcefully.

"Cassie," I breathe sharply once the tone sounds. "You can't ignore me forever. This isn't over. Call me."

My heart throbs dully as I hang up the phone. She's ignored every text and call I've sent her way, but she can't run from me forever. Sooner or later, she'll have to face me.

And when she does, I'll convince her that I'm still her best option, her true match, her everything.

---

The next morning, Mal and I hurtle through the empty woods of Clearwood Park.

You'll feel better after a good run, he had said.

I wish I believed him.

Mal's giant frame cuts seamlessly through the trail before me, leading the way. I sulk at his figure, wishing that he wasn't my running companion this early in the morning. But unfortunately for me, there's not other soul around here for miles except Mal and my own unwelcome thoughts.

It's all her fault.

A gnawing feeling begins to form in my gut, but I ignore it as I follow Mal deeper into the forest. The pre-dawn sky is painted blue and purple and tinged with orange. It reminds me of a bruise, which is how I feel inside – tender and raw.

She led me on, I seethe in my mind.

The path forks up ahead and Mal veers left. His arms pump leisurely as he runs, hardly breaking a sweat and not even bothering to read the trail markers.

Why hasn't Cassie called me back? What kind of sick game is she playing?

Maybe it's all YOUR fault.

You are the reason she is running away.

You are the one who is broken.

I shake my head and blink, trying to shake the voices off. In that momentary lapse of concentration, I nearly trip over a branch. When I look up, I can barely make out the top of Mal's head and his blue running shirt in the dense thicket of trees. How did he get so far ahead?

I force my legs to move faster. I don't even notice when an overgrown vine with thorns whips across my bare shins, drawing blood. I'm panting with exertion, but I'm not fast enough to escape the wretched terrors cackling in the back of my mind.