What We Take Away

Chapter 19 | Zac

January 2nd, 2006

I'm ecstatic to get back to campus.

Beth brought her new boyfriend John over for Christmas, which made being home strange. He and Beth were inseparable, but neither Mom nor Dad seemed to mind. Mom was more than excited to finally have someone to watch her crime documentaries with, and Dad was particularly fascinated to learn more about ice fishing from John. But I could hardly recognize Beth. She'd always been the more levelheaded and responsible one, but around John she became a giggling, sappy mess.

"It's like her body was snatched by aliens," I complain to Gabrielle as we zoom down the New York interstate towards Copper Hill in her SUV. "And the aliens returned her to us, but with a different brain, and a set of googly eyes. I wanted to barf every time I saw them."

"She's just in love," Gabrielle reasons. "My sister Elaine got the same way when she first started dating her husband. It's just a phase."

"Husband?! Beth can't marry John!" I protest. "He's not into any of the things Beth likes! He doesn't play any sports, and he doesn't even like baseball. And he's boring!"

Gabrielle ignores me, checking her mirrors before swiftly changing lanes.

"We can't help who we love, Zac P. You remember what that's like, right? Weren't you with Amy for like an entire year?"

"Nine months," I correct. "But that was different."

"A lot can happen in nine months," she chuckles lightly, leaning back into her seat.

"What are you saying?" I ask suspiciously.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me," I say.

"It's nothing!"

"Fine. I'll spend the next hour singing 'Tub-Thumping' on repeat."

"Please don't."

"Come on. Just tell me," I press.

"It's just... I'm surprised you two ever dated," she finally admits.

"Why?" I ask, genuinely curious.

Gabrielle squirms in the driver's seat and keeps her eyes on the road.

"I don't know," she says tentatively. "But I've known you for a long time, Zac. You've always been kindhearted and... well, Amy's always been mean. To everyone. I've never once seen her go out of her way to do anything nice for anyone else, and we've been neighbors since fifth grade. I guess I'd always pictured you with someone more... down-to-earth and less needy? In the very least I had pictured you with someone more selfless. Someone who will match you and balance your edges out, you know?"

"And what exactly are my edges, All-Knowing One?" I snort.

Gabrielle rolls her eyes with exasperation. "Don't play dumb."

"No seriously, Gabs," I rush. "What are my edges?"

Gabrielle holds in a breath, as if she's debating whether I'm too fragile to handle the truth. For a wild moment I wonder if I am.

"You care too much about what other people think of you," she says evenly. "Plenty of girls would have given up a kidney to be with you in high school, but you stayed with Amy because it made you look good. You flirt because it's easier to play games than it is to let people know who you really are. You're a heartbreaker, Zac P."

I blink my eyes. Me, break hearts?

"Like whose heart?" I ask, intensely curious.

"I'm not going to tell you!" Gabrielle retorts. "It would be a violation of sisterhood. Besides, you don't need a bigger ego."