What We Take Away

Chapter 27 | Cassie

I startle. His cobalt eyes remind me of glaciers moving slowly in an arctic river.

"What... would you like me to say?" I hedge, fearful of incurring his displeasure.

For a moment, the ice in his eyes break and disappointment flashes across his face. But he recovers quickly and shakes his head.

"Nevermind," he mutters. "You're just... acting different today."

"How would you like me to act?" I ask carefully.

"That's just it!" he exclaims with loud exasperation. "I don't want you to act! I want you to just BE! I feel like you've turned into this entirely different person, into someone who's not my girlfriend but just a vapid stranger or something!"

He presses the heels of his palms against his eyes, a sign of thorough and certain vexation. My anxiety begins to spike -- I don't want to fight again.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Stop apologizing!" he demands. "It makes me feel like the bad guy."

I am frozen, torn between saying the wrong thing and saying anything at all. It's eerily similar to how I felt whenever Ba would get into his moods.

"Please," I say softly. "Please tell me how I can make it better for you. How I can be better for you. I want you to be happy."

"You want to know how to make me happy?" he chuckles. "Truly?"

I nod, desperate to make things right between us again.

"Then be honest, because I need to know if you're as serious about me as I am about you," his tone is sober. "Eventually, you'll have to tell your parents about us. I get that you need more time. I don't understand why you continue to drag me on, but I've given you my heart completely. God put us together for a reason. So, if you want to make me happy, then say you'll come with me wherever I go when I graduate," he says, voice low and yearning. "Tell me you'll spend the rest of your life with me. Tell me I'm the only one you'll need. Be with me, Cassie. Forever."

I'm too stunned to speak. Is this his idea of a proposal?

He can't be serious because it's too much, and too soon...

"You are exactly the kind of woman I want by my side," he continues, excitement brimming in his eyes. "I know you'll be great with kids, and that you're probably good at baking in the kitchen." He's rambling now, because I've never baked anything for him in my life. "So, there. I've put my whole heart out on the line for you. What do you say?"

There's an odd ringing in my ears as I feel my mind come crashing back down into my body. Nothing about this makes sense.

"I... I don't know," I finally say, gazing at him openly. "It's not that I don't want this future with you, it's just that... we haven't been together for very long. I'm still figuring out what I want. I mean... I'm eighteen years old!"

His expression is unreadable. A terrible silence fills the space between us, and my heart begins to pound with fear.

He asked for my honesty. Was it wrong of me to say those things?

Aram throws his books and binders into his backpack and snatches his jacket from the coat hanger on the wall. A violent, black tempest rages across his face as he regards me with coldness.

I've done it again. Made him angry.

"Aram! Please don't leave. Wait--" I call desperately, reaching out to him.

But it's too late -- the study room door swings shut as he exits.

I take one, long shuddering breath before I stand calmly to my feet. I pack my things slowly and deliberately, ignoring the panic rising inside. I hit the light switch before leaving the room, and make my way out of the library.