What We Take Away

Chapter 27 | Cassie

"Oh, I sat in a different spot than usual," I say. "How was India?!"

Ranjit takes the seat next to me, looking as dashing as ever in a mint green collared shirt and dark wash jeans.

"It was awesome, Cass," he smiles. "I think I gained ten pounds from all the food my family forced me to eat."

"And you loved every moment of it!" I laugh, remembering with fondness the way my aunts and uncles would shove countless dishes in front of me whenever Ba and Ma brought us back to Taiwan for extended visits.

"How's your mom? How's Randeep?" I ask.

"Randeep had a bit of culture shock, but he got over it fast. The best part of the whole trip was seeing how happy my mom was to be reunited with her family," he muses. "You know, I can appreciate my parents' sacrifice a lot better now that I see how insanely hard it's been for my mom to not be around her family all these years. It can't have been easy for my parents to leave the country and people they love with very little possessions, and try to make a better life here," he pauses to look at me.

I hold his gaze, surprised by the strength of emotion I feel towards Ba and Ma in this moment.

"That's why we try to hard to make them proud, isn't it?" I ask softly.

"Yeah," he replies.

We are interrupted by the clacking of heels as the Hahn from Hell strolls into the classroom.

"Good morning! I hope everyone did the reading for today. Who can name the types of polymerization?"

The morning drags on as I listlessly copy notes from the chalkboard. I try my best to pay attention to the lecture, but every fiber of my being wishes I was elsewhere.

Like in a dusty classroom with green chalkboards and instruments, and a whimsical Scottish professor.

With immense effort, I shutter my emotions and force myself to heed Dr. Hahn.

I am my father's daughter, and I will do what is right so that he will be proud of me.

---

Things with Aram have been tense since our big fight in the car a few nights ago. So, when he suggests that we go study at the library together, I sigh a breath of relief and quickly agree.

He finds us a quiet study room tucked behind stacks and stacks of books on the second floor. The room is designed for groups to use, complete with a large table and chalkboard along the wall. He walks on ahead and pulls the glass door open for me.

"Thanks," I murmur, entering the room.

Like Sabrina, he isn't saying much to me these days either. I glance around nervously and randomly pick a chair. Aram takes the chair diagonally across from me and begins to fish his textbooks out of his backpack. He tosses a Power Bar onto the table before dropping into his seat and starting his work.

I suppress the urge to sigh. Things between us used to be so easy and exciting -- but lately, it feels as though I say all the wrong things, do all the wrong things. I know Aram is stressed about the future, but the last time I brought up his plans after graduation, he stormed out of my room.

I watch him from the corner of my eye and wonder if he's happy with me. He's been so distant and morose. The only times it seems we are okay is when we are making out, but we can only make out for so long before things progress further. Maybe I should try to lose some weight? Or maybe Karina and Clark and Violetta were right, and I should just let him take my virginity--

No. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for that with him.

"Aren't you going to say anything to me?"