What We Take Away

Chapter 24 | Cassie

"I'm Catholic, we believe in God, too," Clark snorts derisively. "But it doesn't stop me from getting laid. Don't you have a boyfriend? How is he okay with not having sex?"

Despite the fact he is a total stranger and has just violated my personal boundaries, I hold my ground and stare Clark straight in the eye.

"I do have a boyfriend," I say evenly. "And he supports our decision not to have sex."

Clark hoots and slaps his knees, his hollow, glacial eyes filling up with tears.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" he hollers. "You're giving him blue balls! That's heartless! No boyfriend would be okay with that. I know I wouldn't!"

"Leave her alone, Clark," Karina remarks mildly. "You're scaring her."

"If you aren't ready, then you aren't ready," Benjy nods. "You won't get judgment from moi. Ignore the brute, love."

"Personally, I don't get it," Violetta opines. "But if it's a consensual decision, then I can respect that."

"Agreed," Karina nods.

"Blue balls," Clark sniggers under his breath.

"--Hullo, class! I'm sooo sorry I'm late, the roads were very icy!"

Dr. McLeish enters the room, nose pink from the cold outdoors. I turn my attention quickly towards the professor and hope that my classmates don't notice the color in my cheeks, or how rattled I really feel inside.

It's not like I haven't thought about what it would be like to be intimate with someone. But my relationship with Aram still feels new, and I haven't felt any inclination to venture beyond making out.

Brina would tell me to woman up, I roll my eyes inwardly as Dr. McLeish begins to distribute our graded compositions. And Ranjit would encourage me to just have fun.

"Fantastic interpretation of a Romantic Era piece," she remarks with a wide smile as she returns my composition. "I can tell you have spent a lot of time studying Chopin. I'd love to hear you perform your original piece one day!"

I open my mouth to respond, but Dr. McLeish whisks away before I can recover. I spend the rest of composition class feeling listless and distracted even as she gives instructions for our last two assignments leading up to the final exam.

And when class ends at noon, everyone rushes out in a flurry, making lunch plans now that the winter sun is bright. But since I don't have anyone to eat lunch with, I decide to find an empty practice room.

The atrium is warm and filled with the echoes with laughter, footsteps, and musical sounds. I smile wishfully -- if only I could be a part of this world.

I head downstairs today instead of to the third floor. Vacant practice rooms dot the lower level of the building along rows of lockers for students and musical instruments. I wander slowly, peering into rooms of interest to scout for a good piano to use. An ordinary black door is propped open at the very end of the corridor. There are no other people around, so I go to check it out.

The door leads to a narrow and dimly-lit corridor. Curious, I follow the alley until the lights disappear, and I am surrounded by a sea of black material. It takes me a second to realize the material as thick, velvety black drapes made for a stage. My heart leaps with excitement as I take several more steps and walk out onstage into an empty performing hall.

The stage is silent and beautiful, with wood paneling lined around it for acoustics. High above, majestic moss green curtains hang from the rafters. Cushioned, stadium seats slope gently upwards to the back of the hall.