What We Take Away

Chapter 20 | Aram

"Figure what out?"

"Whatever it was that you said you were working on with God."

My jaw tightens out of habit like it does any time God is mentioned, but deep down I know something is different because now, Cassie Yang is a reverent prayer on my lips. She is proof that good things can still happen in my life, proof that God has not forgotten about me. And maybe, just maybe, it's enough proof for me to get my life back on track and give God another chance.

"Yeah," I reply with a smile. "Yeah, I think I've figured it out."

---

I sit quietly with my family in the cushioned, rosewood stained pews while Pastor Merrick delivers a sermon. I'm acutely aware of Mother's beaming face and the pride in Father's shoulders, evidence they are pleased with my decision to return to church. To my left, Arielle sits besides Grandfather, and to Grandfather's left is Mal, who watches Pastor Merrick with rapt attention. I glance around and notice the way things have generally not changed within the walls of Faith Presbyterian Church, from the selected hymnals to the immaculate wainscoting and the familiar faces of old families and friends. If I had visited a month ago, I would have simply walked out of the service -- but I am not the same person as I was one month ago.

Well, I'm here, God, I pray in my head as Pastor Merrick continues to drone on. Because you put Cassie in my life, this is what I'm giving to you in return. Tell me what you want.

Pastor Merrick's bald head shines with sweat beneath the lights. Heavy-set and dressed in a three-piece black suit, the man takes his job rather seriously.

"What can you give a God who sacrificed everything, everything -- just so that you could have life?" Pastor Merrick addresses the congregation. "Some of us are blessed with financial resources, and so we tithe," he smiles. "Others make use of their talents and skills, creating and crafting the world into a more beautiful place. But what about the rest of us?"

I crane my head forward, eager to hear what he has to say.

"Time," Pastor Merrick enunciates. "We can always give God our time. Our present time, our future time. Ask yourself, how can you be of service? What of your future can you offer to God? What of your time and energy can you dedicate to doing his work? A life of service is a noble one, but a life of service to God reaps eternal rewards."

Pastor Merrick moves onto his next preaching point, but his words stick with me and echo in my head. A life of service to God... what would that even look like? I instantly think of Mal and glimpse him from the corner of my eye.

I chuff. A life of service and holy work is not for me.

When the service ends, all six of us return to my parents' home in Steel Heights for lunch. The mood is cheerful as we share a a meal of chicken pot pie (Gran's recipe), tossed salad greens, and fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies together. Perhaps it's the fact I feel utterly stuffed, or the fact I feel happier than I have in months, but I decide to ask my family for some advice.

"So," I address my parents first, "how do I know if I'm being a good boyfriend and doing this whole dating thing right?"

Mother looks at Father with amusement and the two of them start laughing at the same time. I feel my face turn red but wait for their giggles to dissipate.

"You're already doing better than your father ever did," Mother assures me kindly. "We didn't date for very long."

"Wasn't it like three months or something crazy like that?" Arielle chimes in, reaching for a third cookie.

"Yes," Mother nods. "From the day we went on our first date to the day we got married, it was three months."

"--Three months, two weeks, and four days," Father amends.